I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for my home, my family, a quick little trip out of the city yesterday and this beautiful weather. I’m grateful for vacation coming up, for reading, for my sponsor and for coffee. I’m grateful for experiences that hit home and for moments of clarity.
Goooood morning friends (: As always I hope everyone has been enjoying the week, for my peeps here in New York I hope you’ve had a chance to enjoy this GORGEOUS weather and I hope that everyone has something fun planned for the weekend!
I personally am spiritually, mentally and physically exhausted. Not the “cup is empty” type of exhausted I am just completely drained. And the energy is just off, I actually Googled earlier this week “are the planets broken?” They aren’t.
But God shows up in the funniest ways. I have been running all over for work this week (no complaints here it’s been nice to have a change of scenery) and yesterday in my Uber back to the train station in South Orange New Jersey to get back to the city, I had a long (6 minute) conversation with my driver about sobriety.
The convo initially started with it’s so beautiful out I’d rather be drunk on the beach wouldn’t you…to which I replied well I don’t drink but I’d take a book and the beach. Said Uber driver noted that wasn’t quite the same and asked why I don’t drink (disclaimer for anyone who’s newly sober - most people don’t ask that).
I shared my experience (again in 6 minutes ver brief convo here) and he shared that he’s gotten VERY drunk before, but isn’t an alcoholic. And that’s totally cool. I told him there’s an invisible line that I crossed and that quite honestly my alcoholism is also in my genes but if there’s ever a time you feel like that invisible line has been crossed, there’s always a place for you.
And gettin out of that car I laughed to myself because my brain was wracked with work things, getting back to the city - this that I have to do and that, that I have to do. But HP’s will man…..it shows up exactly when he/she/it needs to.
And so later yesterday evening my sponsor and I were just talking about our wills versus God’s will and how we tend to knit pick. But what we can do is just not give so much power to those knit picking thoughts. Which sounds easy but I’m sure in a couple of weeks I’ll bring this back up again sharing how it’s actually a challenge..we’ll see.
I’m so grateful I got to have that conversation with a total stranger, there’s something about those kinds of experiences that bring such a lightness and reminder of what my purpose in this world actually is.
But the question I’ve been asking myself this morning has been…am I evolving into a bad person? Have I become completely self righteous or are there just some things that don’t belong in my life anymore? Have I become egotistical or just proud of the work that I do? And that my friends is why I will never stop needing my sponsor, because she will point out to me the things I can’t see. So I’ll be texting her immediately following this post.
And in the meantime, I hope everyone has a beautiful day today (:
xx
Jane