I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for extra sleep, a relationship with a Higher Power, coffee, patience and understanding. I’m grateful to have choices, for the cards my parents always send, and for a really nice evening celebrating Tim’s anniversary.
Good morning my friends :)
Happy Thursday and as always, I hope everyone has been enjoying the week to the best of their ability!
Life over here is busy and big and I am tired. Timmy celebrated 3 years sober on Tuesday and I couldn’t be any prouder of him. We had dinner with the people closest to us, and we laughed and we celebrated and we enjoyed ourselves.
And despite feeling so incredibly insecure lately, I have never felt closer to God. I have these waves of fear that one day I’m going to push Tim too far away, or my friends will replace me, or the people at work will start to treat me like my old boss did. And in every single one of those moments I turn back to God. And I ask for help.
I ask to be relieved of the fear, or help in finding love for myself - seeing myself the way my Higher Power sees me. I ask for help with feeling safe and secure and I ask for HP to remind me that I am always protected by them.
I give myself a really hard time, a lot of the time but guys…that’s growth if I’ve ever seen it. Not so long ago I would sit in the fear, in the insecurity, in the lack of trust and sitting in it never served me. What serves me is knowing there is something bigger than me that will never deny me help, I just need to be open to it.
I also heard a speaker last night talk about how we go through everyday, 24/7, 365 days a year sober, without using drugs or alcohol as a cop-out and I don’t know…just the way he said it really grounded me.
So yeah sometimes I feel really really insecure, or really tired and sometimes my sponsees overwhelm me and sometimes I fall into a rut. And other times I am filled with joy, I am celebrating and laughing and enjoying myself. But drugs and alcohol are never a part of that equation anymore, 24/7, 365, one day at a time. And I think that’s really beautiful.
Xx
Jane
Never give up on yourself & your HP. 🙏