I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for a rainy day and warm weather on the way. I’m grateful for new books, for coffee, for AA my sponsor and my sponsees. I’m grateful for doing the work, for willingness, and for honesty with myself and others.
Goooood morning my friends! As always I hope everyone has been. Having a wonderful week and there is something fun for you on the horizon as we head into the weekend (:
I am incredibly emotionally depleted and I’ve been thinking about how my fellow writers here always have something insightful to say about sobriety and truly - the only thing I can bring myself to think about this morning is how eloquently Frank Herbert shows us that we should think twice before following a messiah to the ends of the earth (no tea no shade to Paul Atreides, Frank Herbert has also opened the door to a number of different ways I can grow my own personal Higher Power). Frank also shows us in such a unique way, the damage it can cause when you are trapped inside your own head. Essentially, I’d really like to be president of the Dune fan club if anyone would like to start that with me.
Fortunately for all of you I won’t be continuing with this Dune book report. What I would really like to share is, these past few days have been incredibly taxing on m emotions and I don’t particularly want to talk about it. I do however, want to share a few lessons I’ve learned - Brianna Wiest style:
You don’t have to share at every meeting, but being vulnerable can be so freeing and sharing when you really don’t want to or when you really need to - can save your life. I am not an everyday sharer, but when I do share it’s because I know have to. Last Thursday really wanted to drink - but I was reading with a sponsee that night so she kept me accountable. And I shared about it that Friday because I can’t let that kind of stuff sit inside of me, I have to let other people know what I’m dealing with so that the drink doesn’t sneak up on me and take me away.
Time is not a tool. This is something I have known but am ever being reminded of - I don’t ever want to let time get to my head. I always want to stay green & grounded in my program that is always subject to change. There should never be a point in time where I think I know better, just because I have some time.
It is okay to choose yourself. And your boundaries, and the things that bring you peace, and the things that make you feel safe. When you choose yourself, you’ll get som push back and some won’t see it as self preservation, but that does not mean you made the wrong choice.
Wearing sobriety like a loose garment does not mean not caring it, it just means trusting.
It’s okay to just be, and do your best and not be 100% all of the time. And sometimes getting back to a new 100% takes sometime.
xx
Jane