I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful to have so many people that share their gratitude lists back. I’m grateful my family is coming to visit this weekend, for Christmas shopping, lots of presents under the tree already and having the means to pay for those presents. I’m grateful for breakfast, conversations with HP and poems.
Good morning my friends!
As always I hope everyone is enjoying the week and has something fun planned for the weekend, even if your definition of fun is catching up on some sleep like me.
I don’t have anything super inspiring or meaningful to say today, just your regular ole status update from me today.
My Thursday morning has freed up a tad, last week was my last session with my therapist. I know I’ve been on my “validate yourself” kick recently but it’s just because it is SO hard for my to trust myself sometimes. I can trust HP, I can trust AA but trusting myself and my choices is a whole different conversation.
But I felt like my therapist wasn’t helping me. I felt like I wasn’t being heard and so after thinking about it for a while, I trusted my gut and put an end to our time together. Now tha isn’t a forever thing, I will find another therapist. But after I take a little break for a few weeks.
As someone who is constantly looking inward for what am I doing wrong or where can I be better, after three years of weekly therapy I’m a little fatigued.
So I’m taking a break and honoring that choice I made and trusting that HP will show me the next step. Outside of that, the constant grayness of winter makes me sad, I have really felt disconnected from my grandfather but I am working so hard on rebuilding that connection. I even recently felt my Nana with me, which was a welcomed and happy surprise.
My anniversary is coming up soon and I can’t believe I will have two whole years of sobriety. Work has been busy but I’ve never been happier at a job. I got a sudden surge of willingness to make another amends this morning to someone I quite frankly have been avoiding (that sudden urge I believe is from HP).
There are some things I need to work on. Some new choices I need to make but I feel so calm and secure in the fact that all of it will come in time. I’m not panicking and I’m not scared. That is a change in itself that I very firmly believe I wouldn't have if not for my Higher Power and Alcoholics Anonymous. Just living life on life's terms.
How beautiful is that?
xx
Jane
Beautiful!