A Love Letter to AA
This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl
I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a slow weekend, for my parents making it back from Seattle safely, and for a fresh week. I’m grateful for reading with my sponsor yesterday, for time to rest, for coffee and chai and books and the Fall weather. I’m grateful for the holidays coming up, for opportunities to change and learn and grow.
Gooooodd morning my friends (: As per always, I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and that we’re all feeling ready for the week ahead (anyone want to petition for 4-day work weeks?)!
I believe I mentioned last week or maybe a few weeks ago that I’m reading through the 12 & 12 with my sponsor - a nice little regroup on the steps. Well, as a part of step one she asked me why I’m still in AA today.
The easy answer is because I have to be right? I’m in AA today because it keeps me sober, and I don’t want to drink. I also mentioned a few weeks ago that it feels like I’ve lost the AA spark I had when I first got sober. And that is true. But that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped needing or wanting AA.
Spark or not I love the program. I love that meetings make me feel better, that I’ve met my most favorite people in AA. I love AA even when I hate AA. I love how you can hear something that changes you at any time in any kind of meeting. I love that AA helps me become a better person. I love that AA will never leave me, it’s always there no matter where or how far I go.
I love that AA is flexible. That you can make your program your own. I love that AA has no leader. I love that we all speak the same language, that we’ve all struggled and survived or are surviving or need help and there is always someone there to help you. I love AA even when I don’t love myself.
I am currently navigating a space where I’ve gone a little agnostic, I can’t see or feel a Higher Power anywhere. But I can see and feel AA. And I have lots of homework to do for step two. But that’s another reason why I love AA, because it encourages you to constantly grow.
A close friend of mine was talking to me not long ago about the matches we need to light to create a fire that catches (this is a figurative fire for clarity) and I’ve thought a lot about that since she said that. About finding new ways to light even bigger fires inside of me than the one I first had when I got sober. And maybe this is a match catching or just a particularity optimistic day but it’s nice to remember just how much I really do love AA.
A very long-winded way of sharing gratitude don’t yah think (;
Xx
Jane