I am so grateful to be sober. I am so grateful for my friends who I can lean on, for my family, for my sponsor and my sponsees. I am grateful for good books, for good music and for talking to HP.
Good morning my friends!
Hope everyone has been having a lovely week and is gearing up for the weekend :) My head has been all over the place this morning and it dawned on me just a few moments ago that it’s Thursday & I need to write today. So apologies for the delay!
In keeping consistent with the head all over the of place thing, I was up late last night reading this book I absolutely cannot put down (It’s called Sorrow and Bliss. 10/10 recommend it’s basically about the way mental illness affects the person who has it, friends, family, partners etc. It’s SO good) and I had intended on getting up early this morning and proceeded to sleep until 8:30. I think I’m only meant to be a morning person during the summer when the weather is warm and the days are long and inviting.
I also just recently got a little stool to put in this little spiritual corner I have adopted in our apartment that I have proceeded to sit on only twice because yah know…all over the place. Talking to God is a priority every day, but sometimes the conversations look less aesthetically pleasing and more like.. God. Please help me stay sober and sane today. Today is one of those please help me stay sane days.
I am also so angry. Not the can’t function, paralyzed with rage kind of angry. Just frustrated with two situations that are completely different but have quite a few parallels. And without breaking anonymity or airing other people's shit out - I worked for a horrible boss for 5 years. And when I finally left there was no accountability. It was only “Those Gen Z’ers.. they don’t have any work ethic”. And I’ve searched for my part, I know what my part is. I should've been honest from the beginning, I should have had boundaries, all of the things. But my part absolutely does not mean it is acceptable for someone to belittle and mock and hurt you over and over and over again despite my push backs and efforts to change. Someone treating you poorly is not acceptable ever. Someone trying to take advantage of you is not acceptable ever.
And you know what, I dragged my sorry ass into AA at the green age of 22. Young people do not get enough credit for how hard they work and get criticized for their desire to see things change.
I am miles and miles happier today than I was when I was at that job, and I had the opportunity to help someone else out of the same situation. And that makes it all worth it.
But there are some AA people who I have seen act in the same way as that boss I had. I think it’s even harder when it’s AA people because aren’t we supposed to practice these principles in all our affairs?
We should absolutely always be finding our part but when does that start to be our fall back instead of saying you know what though? This isn’t okay.
Today, the real prayer is God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
xx
Jane
I so identify with your message today! And, I work with some folks who are in a 12-step program and sometimes I just want to ask them if they’ve heard of the 12&12 because they treat others so poorly! But I’ve gotta think of MY program! Thank you for sharing.