I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for something really exciting being put into motion over the weekend. I’m grateful for my sponsor, for fear inventories, for a clean apartment, for positive changes, my journals and my coffee.
Hello friends!
Happy Monday and as always, I hope everyone is feeling rested and was able to enjoy the weekend.
I, also as per usual, am very unhappy with the fact that it is already Monday again. However, in an effort to make more space for gratitude…I’m grateful for a fresh week.
Over the weekend I started my fear inventory with my sponsor which contrary to my previous belief does not include my fear of small spaces. Kidding, I actually had no idea what to expect for the fear inventory but she did explain that it’s things like - my fear of God, fear of not being accepted, fear of being judged, fear of failure and fear of someone always being better, that should go on the list.
Fear is such a big thing for me, I have so much of it over so many things that it’s hard to breathe sometimes. Sometimes it’s really silly like - I just bought plane tickets for a family trip to Disney world and I’m afraid that the Uber driver in Orlando is going to kidnap me. Sometimes it’s much bigger like the things I listed.
I heard someone say at a meeting recently that she was always afraid of the wrong things - not afraid to go looking for drugs in dangerous places, but afraid of AA.
I would be lost in Arizona with no fear while drinking but I’m afraid to get into an Uber now? I’m afraid to make the wrong decisions? I’m afraid of my own shadow?
I have been starting to come to terms with the fact that I’m just as powerless over my fear as I am alcohol. And while there about 20 different things I think I should do with that information, acceptance is one of the biggest steps.
So today, I will try to be less afraid. And together we can face our fears. But in the meantime, I hope you have a wonderful week and I will see you again on Thursday :)
xx
Jane
Great post - short, sweet, vulnerable and to the point with a powerful piece of truth in it - learning to fear the right things. Every decision has a consequence and training yourself to fear the right things is such a wonderful reminder of truth. Thanks for sharing!
That’s what courage is: being afraid but doing what you need to do anyway.
You’re more brave than you know my darling. I love you.