I am so grateful to be sober. I’m grateful for my own bed, for my friends trusting me and Timmy to stay in their home and watch their pets and for the beautiful friendship we have. I’m grateful for how much my parents have helped me these past few days, for coffee, seeing my sponsor today, finishing my last needlepoint and starting a new one, and for the long weekend.
Good morning my friends! I hope everyone enjoyed, or are still currently enjoying the weekend if you have off today :)
I had a drinking dream last night which I haven’t had in a while, and I truly believe that drinking dreams no matter how much time you have can be so rattling. For me, I’m not living it up in my dreams, I’m drinking and then recognizing that I’ve now lost all of my time, how could I have done this and last nights newest addition was “how am I going to tell my sponsees?”
And then I woke up, and thanked God for another sober day. I remember my first drinking dream; I was still counting days and it took me about 10 minutes after waking up to calm down and understand that it wasn’t real.
No one told me about those when I first came in so for anyone who doesn’t know – drinking dreams are real and can be scary. They are literally when you are drinking or using in your dreams but, I find there to be a lot of relief and gratitude when I wake up now in knowing that I am in fact still sober, and I am not that person anymore.
On a totally separate note, exciting news will be ready for you on Thursday ;) Just so everyone knows, I’ve been talking about this for days now and it’s really nothing crazy but ever since this news became pretty official, I have been having a wide variety of feelings. Mostly relief, some anxiety and insecurity, a little grief too if I’m being honest. This is a huge period of change, and my sponsor has been encouraging me to mediate on gratitude. No other thoughts or questions just pure gratitude.
So, I know I’ve done this before, but I’d like to share an extra list of gratitude:
I am grateful for HP getting me through these past few weeks and showing me what I really looks like when I turn everything over
I am grateful for knowing that HP will take care of it
I am grateful for the right things coming at the right time
I am grateful to have so much support
I am grateful to be able to really feel, instead of being numb to everything like before
I am grateful for change and for getting out of my comfort zone
I am grateful for recognizing that there is a little grief in me too
I am grateful for how beautiful the weather has been
I am grateful for feeling certain
I am grateful for trusting HP, the constant messages that remind me that HP is so very real
I am grateful to have a beautiful sober life and to be a sober woman of dignity and grace
P.S. My story written like Bills story will be coming soon I promise. T.B.D won’t let me forget!!
Xx
Jane