I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful that it’s almost the weekend and for being able to show up for others. I’m grateful for service and for genuine friends. I’m grateful for Timmy and my family, for coffee and for the gift I was given in learning how much I love to write. I’m grateful for my Higher Power and my Peepa guiding me and for little winks from them every single day.
Good morning my friends!
As always, I hope everyone has been having a wonderful week and is getting ready for a relaxing weekend ;)
Lately, I’ve been dealing with some serious burn out and was struggling with what to write today when Timmy suggested sharing about showing up for others. And he’s right, showing up for others is such a simple thing that gives me so much gratitude. Today we get to show up for our friend’s birthday, on Tuesday I was able to show up for a friend and a work event she invited me to. In a few weeks I get to show up for my family on a trip to Disney World. I can show up when people ask me for help, for the newcomer who is lost and scared and I can show up for Timmy too. And I get to show up here with all of you.
Before I couldn’t or wouldn’t be there for anyone. The only person I ever really thought about was myself, and if I did show up the following thought would be “how can I benefit from this?”
I don’t give enough credit to the simple act of showing up. I often feel overwhelmed and stressed and afraid of not being in control. But to just show up, and celebrate a friend, or be a shoulder for someone one who needs it, is such a fulfilling thing that I certainly could stand to be more present for sometimes.
Now on the flip side, I’m facing a potential new and exciting opportunity, which I am very hopeful for. However, it is so crazy to watch my mind try to pull me back into the misery. My mind tells me I’m not good enough, the unknown is too scary, I’ll never find greener grass, I’m not worthy of something new.
And previously I would have believed everything my mind and my disease is trying to tell me in an effort to sabotage myself. Today I know that if it’s not this it’s better and that HP wouldn’t have brought me this far to let me go now. My therapist phrased it as “being of two minds” and that is where the exhaustion comes from. Constantly battling the first mind, the one that wants to be to be sad and grump and miserable.
It's getting easier to combat that first mind, overtime. And one of the things that helps the most is showing up, even when my mind tells me not to. Showing up and being present, being grateful and there for others. Today I’m giving those things the credit they deserve.
Xx
Jane