Best Intentions

Daily Gratitude List - April 22nd 2024

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I am so grateful to be sober. I’m grateful for a spring morning, for my family and for Timmy. I’m grateful for getting lost in good books, for AA, for clarity and for a slow weekend. I’m grateful for coffee, for rest, for a clean apartment. I’m grateful for a fresh week, writing and HP.

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Gooood morning my friends (: As always, I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and is feeling refreshed for the week ahead!

I woke up this morning with the best of intentions, I was going to get up and slightly change my routine to make me feel good and/or better. The goal was to get up earlier, move my body a little, get in the shower get dressed right away write here maybe get some journaling done be on my second cup of coffee by the time I started work and all would be well with the world.

Well, I got up at 8 and moved my body and got in the shower and thought about what I was going to write about here (I feel another change coming but I feel a little uncentered or untethered or unsettled). Then the seam on my jeans wasn’t sitting straight so that was bothering me, then my hair wasn’t doing what I wanted to, then unloaded the dishwasher to be met with completely wet dishes from the night before, then I spilled milk for my coffee all over the floor, then I put on a belt that makes me uncomfortable but at least the seam is straight. And now I’m annoyed. And restless and discontent.

So I need to recenter. I need to start this day over despite the fact that I’ve only been up for an hour and a half. But I know I cannot carry on like this because I do not want to spend the rest of the day being annoyed, counting all of the annoying things that happen and chalking it up to today just being a bad day.

Because it doesn’t have to be a bad day. Perhaps HP is telling me to slow down, or that I should’ve journaled before I did anything else. Or that all of the answers I am looking for a right in front of me if I just stop and take a moment to look.

I’ve been thinking lately about how I fully trust in HP, that I know what can happen if I just turn it over or just let go. When I doubt a sign shows up, a song in a grocery store that would never normally come up that is special only between me my mom and my grandpa. Or a mourning dove flying directly onto our window sill cooing at me while I talk to my Peepa.

But sometimes I think I still struggle to believe that HP will actually take care of things. And even while I struggle with that, HP still shows up for me. So despite the fact that this morning was not what I wanted it to be, the rest of the day will be fine as long as I just let it..be fine.

So….wishing everyone a better morning than mine (;

xx

Jane