Bless You, Change Me
I'm grateful for attending some NYC meetings I've been absent from for a while. I'm grateful for the practical wisdom found in "Living Sober". I'm grateful for rethinking the design of our space in some fun, creative ways. I'm grateful for the charming Holiday section at the grocery store right by us - will definitely be investing in their candle options over the next few weeks. I'm grateful for another long run where my body felt up to the task. I'm grateful for the myriad of gifts I have in my life today - both tangible and intangible. I'm grateful for knowing how to reorient my mind towards the small, tiny activities that nourish my soul. I'm grateful for the community AA provides and how quickly strangers can become friends. I'm grateful for checking out from certain actions for a bit in order to protect my serenity. I'm grateful for being on the north side of the street because it ensures the snow melts pretty quickly after a storm.
I think I've shared here before that I love these little phrases, little acronyms we have in AA to guide us. "Bless you, change me" is the most recent one to enter into my vernacular. Its timing is certainly apt because I've been feeling more on edge over the past few weeks. Whether it's events well outside my control or tiny things in my own life, I've found my character defects pushing for a seat at the table more fervently than usual. When this happens I can easily blame the universe for wronging me, for not giving me what I want instantly, or for not understanding how my point of view is the sage one.
That's why the introduction of a pithy phrase like "Bless you, change me" is so timely. “Change me” is kind of analogous to another favorite sober tenet of mine that says recovery is an inside job. Essentially any true change in thinking, any true change of character, has to come from within. I cannot expect the world to regularly fall in line because as I've been retaught many, many, many times in sobriety, I am not in control. To avoid resentments building from things not going my way, I must look internally to find acceptance and balance. If I authentically reframe my thinking around challenging situations, big or small, then I am a better sober person at the end of the day. Reframing is really hard though. Luckily I get to rely on a lot of the wisdom I've accumulated from attending Meetings, reading the Big Book, speaking with fellows, practicing my routines to let me realize the discomfort I'm experiencing can transform into a positive if I put in the work. Being active in recovery has provided the opportunity to find multiple paths away from toxicity and towards constructive thought.
I also appreciate the "Bless you" part of this saying. Initially I read it as slightly cheeky, maybe even condescending. However if I absorb the words with greater sincerity then it's simply a reminder to always lead with love. Whether it's a stranger on the street, a pushy coworker, or someone in my inner circle I have to demonstrate love first. I have to demonstrate empathy first. I have to demonstrate kindness first. When I do that then I can better understand where others are coming from and thereby feel less angst and more peace.
All the above takes practice of course. Practice I'll undoubtedly be doing for the rest of my life. Being on a solid sober footing though gives me a leg up to tackle this more maturely and more effectively. I need to just keep integrating wisdom like "Bless you, change me" into my DNA so that these straightforward words are translated into my everyday actions. I can practice my shift in thinking by applying it initially to the little stuff - like not being annoyed when my partner fails to put on our dog's harness properly. When I'm capable of addressing those category of things, I can gradually transfer this to life's larger issues. I feel quite blessed to be able to have the regained the capacity to better myself again. It's no longer wallowing in a mosh pit of self-pity, but rather going with the flow of self-improvement.
