I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a really slow weekend, another new book and for taking breaks. I’m grateful for Timmy and my family, for coffee, rest, really good meetings, one door closing and others opening. I’m grateful for the love in my life, for willingness and honesty.
Goooood morning my friends (:
As always, I hope it was a lovely weekend full of fun and exciting things even if all things fun and exciting include rest, rest and more rest.
I am coming at yah live from New York on Sunday night, this pre writing thing did wonders for my brain last week so I’m trying it again this week. I have this 52 week journal that gives you a different prompt every week (only four questions nothing crazy) and this week’s prompt was about changing your narrative.
The general gist of the first question was along the lines of “Looking at the day with the idea we must do everything causes stress and anxiety - how has that thinking been an issue for you?” To which I reposed that it’s been an issue you because I am constantly stressed and anxious.
The final prompt then asked to describe three ways to remind yourself to change your narrative. Amongst a few other things I wrote that I don’t always have to be everything for everyone.
That is an expectation, an obligation I am continuously putting on myself. No one else is putting that on me, except for me. That I must show up and be the best friend, the best daughter the best worker the best whatever. I must be the shoulder to cry on, the ear that listens all of the things all of the time.
And man is that exhausting. And no one is asking me to do that. So perhaps I should work on being just enough for myself.
Additionally, Brené Brown describes grief as being as unique as each persons finger print. To me meaning that we all experience it in vastly different ways but also, for different reasons. I.e. grief is not always dedicated to a person passing away.
I bring this up because someone we were close to has passed away, and she was sick and suffering and now free of pain but it’s still sad. And I wasn’t the closest to her so I feel like I’m not the most qualified I guess to feel sad? But I am. I’m grieving the things that are changing, that just don’t fit anymore and that I know are coming to an end. I’m grieving the way things were, the way I thought people were (that’s totally on me).
I am excited for the future, I trust it’s going to be okay, that no matter what AA won’t let me down. But when people go, other things change it just brings a boat load of feelings. And that’s okay.
So I think I’d like to entire into a healing phase. Maybe that has nothing to do with AA and maybe that has everything to do with it. I just know that because of AA I am willing.
xx
Jane