I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful the rain won’t last forever, for my sponsees, for hope and HP. I’m grateful for moments of productivity and moments of calm. I’m grateful to have guidance and a future and for the opportunity to help other people.
Goooodd morning my friends (: As always, I hope everyone has been having a lovely week and is getting ready for a hopefully exciting or relaxing or fun weekend!
I am coming at yah Wednesday evening because scheduling things ahead of time is such a joy in my life…seriously I mean that with no sarcasm it makes me feel productive.
Anyway, I consciously chose not to go to a meeting tonight and it’s kinda bothering me. Perhaps I did it to have something to write about (this is a joke) or because it was absolutely torrentially down pouring.
I stood there in the door to go outside on the phone with a friend and watched the rain and chose not to go. I guess when I’m really busy with work and I know a meeting will always be there it feels easier to skip one but today it just felt like I was being a bad sober person.
People talk about prelapses and this is how it starts, not going to meetings or not calling your sponsors or feeling like you got it. But that’s the thing I don’t feel like I got it. I hope to never in my sobriety to ever feel like “it got it.” I want to always remember that I NEED AA, that meeting makers make it to a meeting but there’s a ton of work that goes on behind the scenes to stay sober. And I do that work, I’m reading with a sponsee tomorrow, I was on the phone with a SOBER friend who is going through some not so easy things.
I skipped a meeting and I’m not saying that that’s okay, but I haven’t forgotten about the work. I haven’t skipped the steps or reading with and talking to my sponsor, or reading with and talking to my sponsees, or answering the phone and calling (I could be better with the calling but I ALWAYS answer the phone) other alcoholics.
I will get to a meeting and it will be okay. And I think that’s the point of this rant, that sometimes we probably should chose the opposite of what we’re thinking, but when we don’t that’s okay as long as we don’t give up on all of the other things.
So today, let’s not drink and let’s not give up on the work.
Xx
Jane
As life goes along sober, things change. The ways the program supports you may change. Cleaning a drawer yesterday I came across an address book and the back page was all the names and numbers collected in the early days, 28 years in the past. I remember most of them clearly, still have an ability to contact many directly. That list was so important then and a powerful reminder today, and treasure. They helped me so much just being willing to give me their number.
Thanks so much for your vulnerability 🙏🏼❤️