Choosing The Feather
Daily Gratitude List - September 25th, 2023
I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for time with friends and for belly laughs. I’m grateful for being able to show up for my family, for a new necklace that is so silly and cheap but makes me so happy. I’m grateful for my sponsor, my sponsees, a roof over my head, a warm cup of coffee, my candles and my journals.
Good morning my friends!
As always I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend and you’re feeling ready for the fresh week ahead :)
Just out of curiosity - is anyone here from Seattle, grew up in Seattle, currently living in the city? If so, do you just really love the rain? Do you hate the sun?
It has been raining for the past three days straight here in New York, with no signs of stopping until Wednesday. It’s basically pitch black in our apartment this morning because we haven't seen the sun in days, my plants are drowning and I’m not sure if my outdoor furniture will ever dry at this point. Sooo, if anyone from a rainy city can shed some light on how to not fall into a deep depression due to lack of sun, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
On a more serious note, this time of year makes me so squirrely. Everyone’s back from out East or the shore, everyone is at the club, drinking outside…I love my sober life but I think my body still just knows that this is the time of year shit would really start going crazy for me. And I have the fleeting thoughts of “maybe you’re really not a drunk.”
Which I know is very untrue and just makes me hold my program so much tighter. But when I have those thoughts I tend to beat myself up, examine how much service I’m doing, how many meetings I’m going to (still doing a 90 in 90 folks), how many sponsee’s I have, how much I’m not meditating. One of the overarching messages for me lately is how unkind I am to myself. I am not doing anything wrong, I am working my program to the best of my ability, I just have a disease that keeps telling me I don’t have a disease.
It is so much easier for me to be mean to myself than it is to be kind, so much easier for me to pick up the bat instead of the feather to beat myself up with.
So today, here in the dark, my goal is to be kinder to myself. And that is something I have to work on everyday, not just every once in a while. I wrote a really nice letter to myself right before I started this new job, I should write more of those to myself. Find new ways to really show up for me, not in a selfish way, but the same way I try to show up for other people. With patience and appreciation and kindness.
So if anyone needed the reminder today, please pick up the feather not the bat. And if anyone else is squirrely too this time of year, I promise it always passes. And seriously….any tips on surviving the weather? ;)
xx
Jane
Checking in from Seattle, dark and rainy today. I try not to let the darkness outside change the way I feel inside. It’s not always easy, but I try to use the tools of the program to ease the discomfort. In respect for the way I feel, the AA principles works for me SLOWLY what alcohol did for me quickly.
One of the most important things I’ve learned in 10 years is that my brain still leads me to wrong conclusions sometimes. I think T.B.D. wrote about this last week.
I loved the weather when I lived in Seattle, but I may not be entirely well adjusted.
Turn on a lamp, read a book, make it cozy!