I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for the group chat with my sponsor and her other sponsees that always makes me laugh. I’m grateful for two different meetings on Tuesday, for the sun finally being out, for air conditioning and for service commitments. I’m grateful for the people in my life, my higher power and for willingness to work the steps. I’m grateful for coffee and for communication even when it’s hard.
Good morning my friends :)
I hope everyone has been enjoying the week and that you all have a relaxing weekend ahead! Personally, I woke up this morning to Timmy getting ready for work to which I thought to myself “what is he doing it’s Saturday?”. Needless to say, I was very disappointed to realize that it’s in fact Thursday…not Saturday, not even Friday…. Thursday.
Anyway, it’s one of those times of the year that I know can be incredibly challenging for most. Good ole Fourth of July weekend and I just want to share that we all can get through it, and we don’t need to pick up a drink. We are fortunate enough to have meetings accessible everywhere, even online. T.B.D and I are always here to support in any way that we can, and this weekend, is just another weekend. It will pass like all the rest, and we will be okay.
I’ve been tossing a few things around in my head lately, especially with the holiday looming, the first of which being – if a train is barreling down the tracks, are we not going to push people out of the way? We can certainly try, but we can’t force anyone to move. We can’t force anyone to see how quick the train is coming; we can’t make people see things the way we do. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
My grandfather relapsed on a piece of rum cake, he never intended to relapse (I don’t believe) but as soon as he had that cake, he was back out there exactly where he left off. Fortunately, he found his way back into the rooms and celebrated 23 years sober before he passed.
Relapse is okay, when a relapse happens, and someone makes it back to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous I truly believe it’s a miracle. What I’m struggling with today is watching someone’s light turn on, and then go back out. I just want to keep people’s lights on forever and unfortunately, I just can’t because this isn’t about me, and I am not God.
Which leads me to the second thing I’ve been tossing around lately – I was recently asked if it bothered me that people think I’m crazy. I’m crazy?!?!?!
After sitting on that one for a while, no it doesn’t bother me because that “crazy” is actually passion. I am so passionate about sobriety, creating a safe place where people can feel welcome, keeping the rooms of AA open so the newcomers can find us. I am passionate about what I write, I am passionate about sharing my experiences and how I got through things in the hopes that those experiences help someone else. I’m passionate about service, about checking on people who may still be out there, about showing up when people need it. I’m passionate about all of it, and I will never let myself believe that passion is “crazy” again.
And I think that crazy label, can be especially difficult for women. Women who are passionate are crazy, women who are emotional are crazy, women who work hard are crazy, women who have no kids are crazy, women who have 4 kids and are stay at home moms are crazy….I hate to break it to you but…we most certainly are not crazy.
So, to anyone out there who has been called crazy – you’re not. I promise you’re not and you are always accepted and welcomed here no matter what.
Xx
Jane
Kudos Jane! You are a passionate, spirited, determined and beautiful woman. You came barreling into this world and you live your life the same way you came into it. With passion and fire! I love you honey!
One important point about this from my own experience. I’ve always preferred people who are a little crazy. Because let’s be completely honest...people are crazy. Full stop. Everyone. I much prefer those who’s crazy is at least showing, rather than those calm, medicated, ‘acting-all-normal’ folks out there who are certifiable inside. I have met some of the brightest, smartest, most creative, most sensitive, most empathetic, and most loving people in the rooms. And we laugh at ourselves all the time. If that’s crazy, I’ll take more please.