I am so grateful to be sober today. I'm grateful for another beautiful morning, for two great meetings yesterday, for the new book I bought over the weekend and for my mom. I’m grateful for my sponsor encouraging me to write more than one gratitude list a day, for searching for new opportunities, for learning how to not avoid the difficult things and for the way the sky turns pink during sunset.
Good morning my friends and happy Monday!! I hope that everyone feels rested and we aren't all completely thrown off by the time change. I personally have no idea what time it is, what month we are in or what year it is?
Anyway, did you guys have a chance to read the Liner Notes for Episode 25 yet!? Our wonderful host Randall, speaks on the connection between spinning plates and spies, and I have to say, it’s a must read ;)
During the episode, Randall and I discussed how while drinking, it can feel like you are keeping a million plates spinning and how being an alcoholic sometimes requires you to be leading at least a double, if not triple, life.
I gotta be honest, while I was out there drinking I definitely had more than my fair share of plate spinning abilities…but even in sobriety I still feel like I have those plates flying around in the air.
Ones’ for AA, one’s for my family, one’s my relationship, one’s work and so on, and while I am so grateful my double life is no longer “good girl by day, drunk by night”, I still feel like I'm playing two roles. Now it’s “cooperate by day and sober by night”. That my friends, is something that really bothers me.
Maybe it’s just another one of my dreams but my goal is to feel sober all of the time, not just post 5pm. By feeling sober I mean, being able to better manager the obsessive thoughts, the rage and resentment, the crippling anxiety…all throughout the day.
My job has this way of really knowing how to push every one of my buttons and perhaps I’m just too hard on myself but I’m just really not okay with that. I said to my mom over the weekend, sometimes I still feel like a little girl playing dress up in her shoe’s.
So while I navigate putting the plates down and all of those overwhelming emotions, at least I know I have support. In and out of the rooms of AA. And maybe, jussttt maybe, these are growing pains on this path of sobriety ;)
With that, I hope everyone has a beautiful day, wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead and I will see you again on Thursday!
With so much love,
Jane