I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a really nice weekend, for a short work week this week, for step work and my sponsor. I’m grateful for two great meetings on Saturday, for an early morning this morning, and for being able to see my family this weekend. I’m grateful for Timmy, for new books, for a connection with HP, for coffee and for friends.
Good morning, friends!
As per usual, I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend, had some time to rest and maybe even practiced a little self-care ;)
I am excited to report that I have officially completed all my inventories for step four! While it certainly took me a little longer than I hoped, I am thrilled that next week my sponsor and I will be doing step 5 together and on to step 6.
To have the inventories finally finished feels like such a breath of fresh air. I know that step 5 often feels daunting and the last thing anyone ever wants to do is air out their dirty laundry with another person.
Which is yet another reason why I am so incredibly grateful for my sponsor. Most of the things across all three inventories she already knows about, we have had multiple conversations about how she would never judge me, how she has been there too, and I have only ever felt safe with her.
Many people benefit from a sponsor who is more so authoritative, but I have learned that I need my sponsor to be my friend too. I need to be able to talk about the TV shows we’re binging AND the hard stuff. I need someone who will never tell me I HAVE to do anything, because as soon as I hear I can’t do something, my default is to do it anyway.
I don’t do well with being scolded, I need someone who is patient and knows I need a little extra softness. I need someone who is going to gently push me in the right direction, not force things down my throat.
Something I think that’s really important that she said to me yesterday is the second she feels like she’s telling a sponsee what to do, she feels like she’s playing God.
I really needed to hear her say that because it reminded me that I am allowed to trust myself while also using her suggestions wisely. And that when I one day become a sponsor, I never want to play God in their lives either.
And that my friends, is yet another reason why I am so happy to be finished with my first official fourth step. Because I’m just a little closer to being a sponsor. I cannot wait to be, what my sponsor is to me, to someone else.
And with each step, I just feel a little clearer. I’m still feeling this wonderful internal shift, last week I called it a refreshed spiritual journey, this week it’s these little shifts. I found myself not being so worried about somethings that used to send me into a spiral. And in that same breath, I definitely did spiral this weekend over other things, but I was able to communicate them in a different way and recover from the internal meltdown just a little quicker.
Overall, I’m just filled with gratitude and hope this morning and if I can encourage anyone to do anything today, it’s just to keep going. Keep working and trying and the shifts will come, the changes will happen. Just try to keep your mind and your heart open.
xx
Jane
Congratulations on the completion of your Fourth Step! Your hard work is very inspiring. I enjoy watching you continue down your sober path. I love you!
I had heard scary stories about Steps 4 and 5. “Lots of people go out there.” I’ve been through them twice, both times finding tremendous relief, and excitement about moving forward in the Steps and my sobriety. That’s my experience in AA....do the work, reap the rewards.