Do Not Disturb
This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl
I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for seeing my family this weekend, for Timmy’s anniversary coming up, for a slow and restful weekend and for the day off today. I’m grateful for the city that I live in, for NYC AA, for my sponsor, my sober friends, and for continuing to learn and grow every day.
Gooood morning my friends!
As per usual, hope everyone had OR is still having a lovely weekend (: Happy Veteran’s Day to anyone who served!!
Days off like today are my favorite because everyone else for the most part also has off and there is this unspoken ‘do not bother me’ across the board that you just don’t get when you take a random day off.
Anyway, I’m spending the day going to the eye doctor, finally making it to the 6:15pm meeting at my home group for once and staying for a special meeting after. And I wasn’t sure what to write today so originally, I was going to post my obligatory I don’t know what to write long gratitude list but as I unloaded the dishwasher, took out the trash, flipped the laundry my head of course started to swirl.
First and foremost, Timmy’s anniversary is this Thursday, and I couldn’t be any prouder of him. How far he’s come. All the places he’ll continue to go.
Over the weekend we went down to Jersey to see my parents and have their dog meet our dog which I personally believe couldn’t have gone any better. We should definitely be able to bring the dog down to their place for Christmas and the fact we were even able to do such a successful meet & greet is truly a direct result of being sober.
That said as I am sure you are all super tired of hearing – I am super tired. And day’s off like today are so helpful in terms of cup refilling even if it’s just a little bit but it’s never felt like enough. I’d love to take like a month long sabbatical but that’s neither here nor there.
The point is I’ve been thinking a lot about longevity rather than the short term what’s directly in front of me. Whether that be at work, or in AA or in my relationships. I have definitely been a little over the line when it comes to selfishness lately, I cannot see past how drained I am and there is so much truth to putting the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on someone else. I can’t help anyone right now because I am so consumed by the short term.
So, what do I need to do for the long game? Take breaks, rest when I need to, talk to God, journal. But saying that all together feels like a lot and don’t forget – I am super tired.
So very simply, I just have to put the oxygen mask on myself for a little. I feel like I am constantly at war with myself too – be a worker among workers BUT I also want to succeed and make a name for myself. Go back to being the AA gold star child I once thought myself to be, but don’t overdo it because you’ll burn out. Rest when you need to, but the house is dirty and really needs to be cleaned.
Surely there is a middle ground if I just zoom out a little. So, there’s no neat way of tying this all into a cute little bow – this past year has been a long phase of learning and growth and growing pains.
The middle ground is out there, I’ll put the oxygen mask on and please, the office is closed today – do not email me.
Xx
Jane