Falling Asleep In The Shower

This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl

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I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a little extra sleep, that it’s almost the weekend and for reconnecting with old friends. I’m grateful for getting closer with new friends, for my sponsor who gently pushes me to be better, for coffee and for time spent together. I’m grateful for text from my dad and for working from home tomorrow.

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Good morning, friends!

As always, I hope everyone has been having a lovely week and I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who shared some orchid advice…because of you she’s still hanging in there :)

Not to be super TMI this morning but, I was talking to my therapist on Tuesday, and I shared with her that I was a few minutes late to our session because I fell asleep in the shower…

To which she replied, “growth can be exhausting” and for whatever reason her saying that made me feel so much better. I think it’s a combo of reading Drop the Rock and that one small sentence from her.

As you guys know, when I am feeling super tired, I often translate that into a terrible thing. Like I have so much to do, and my body is just giving out on me and how am I going to be able to achieve anything if my brain is so fried. And I usually point the finger at work, as the cause of my exhaustion which fuels some resentments. 

But when my therapist said growth is exhausting? It was like the lights had been flicked on after standing in the dark for a year and change. Honestly, reading Drop the Rock and focusing on steps 6 and 7 also feels like I’m slowly being led out of the dark.

Being willing to change and surrender, working on my attitudes and behaviors on a daily basis. Remembering that I am human, and my defects don’t make me who I am. Seeing that the defects I practice the most often might be the ones I’m least willing to let go of. And understanding that the change doesn’t happen overnight but slowly and with practice.

So, fuck yeah, I fell asleep in the shower, because I am trying my best to keep growing and that is no easy feat. It’s not a bad thing, I’m not being lazy, and work is not the problem. It’s just time to get a little extra rest, make a little extra time for my favorite book or something creative that I love. Maybe it means going out and really making our terrace a garden/jungle because that would make me oh so happy ;)

It means, go a little easy on yourself. Don’t abuse yourself into change. Keep trying your best, stay willing and the light will get closer and closer.

xx

Jane