I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for the wonderful friends I have, for celebrating someone's 90 days yesterday, for seeing my parents tonight and tomorrow, for a job I love and for a manager who is truly so kind. I’m grateful for feeling refreshed, for my connection with my Higher Power, for the train that will take me to Jersey and for the comfort of working from home.
Good morning my friends!
As always, I hope everyone is having a lovely week :) Coming at yah today with a little bit of a shorter post because…well you know…therapy then work and I still need to make the bed and put on makeup and there is this weird schmutz on the desk that needs to be cleaned up before I sit there for therapy and work.
I was also thinking about how I need to renew my license soon but who has time for the DMV and what a sad day it will be when I retire my New Jersey license for a New York license….
Despite the random thoughts and the to-do list that never stops growing I was also thinking while I was getting ready this morning about how everything is really okay. I often get lost in the to do’s and the constant change lately has been overwhelming but last night I was sitting at dinner with my closest friends who always make me laugh and feel loved, celebrating another friend who was celebrating his 90th day.
My eating issues have been flaring up but I still went home and enjoyed a delicious milkshake. I made plans for Timmy’s 3 year anniversary with the same friends. Tonight I get to go to my parents and visit them for a little while.
I have been changing the way I pray, I felt pride in how far I’ve come for the first time in a really long time. Which side note - Pride can certainly be a character defect however, for those of us who struggle with low self esteem, to feel pride every once in a while is really a beautiful thing.
So overarchingly I feel better. And I can continue to ask my Higher Power to help me feel better even when it’s not a great day. I don’t have to sit in feeling bad. And what a moment of little Jane growth that for weeks I haven't said I felt lost. Because I don’t - overwhelmed and tired sure. But for the first time in a really long time I feel like I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be, and I couldn’t have ever made it here if I was still drinking.
So here’s to just feeling okay today. And that is enough for me.
xx
Jane
You know... My point is as the therapist I know, I can only be aware cause nothing like that happened to me, you may be and should be proud!! Of yourself, I get up yelling at all those things that happened and still are.... Or terrified that the next day will be worse and worse, it's about u may be like aforementioned proud and me?? ... I stopped writing cause f someone is an pessimistic about life or want to kill oneself I invite.. .. I envy you , you managed 👍👍👍