I'm grateful the day to leave NYC has finally arrived. I'm grateful for all the people who helped efficiently pack my life into cardboard boxes. I'm grateful to hear a moving qualification about restoring family relations in sobriety. I'm grateful to my family for still sticking around despite past messiness. I'm grateful for evening reflections letting me analyze a chaotic day and coming to acceptance for moments I faltered. I'm grateful for my latest period in NYC being filled with glorious mistakes and incredible growth. I'm grateful for this moment in life coming to fruition.
Well, it's finally here. Took a year to come to fruition but I'm moving from my hometown again. By the time this is posted, I'll be on the road driving to Richmond, Virginia on our cross country journey to Denver.
Denver, Colorado - our new home. It feels surreal to say because never would I have imagined moving there. Sure, it's a beautiful part of the country, but it was not on my short list. Now that it has become a reality I'm immensely grateful that AA has taught me to remain open to life's possibilities. An opportunity presented itself and instead of drinking over it, I sat down and reflected. I spoke with others about whether it's a good idea. I did a trial run for 3 months a year prior to get a feel for how it was. All these moves were thanks to remaining sober and practicing AA's steps.
Not too long ago I was sharing a basement room with 2 other guys at a sober home on the UES wondering what had come of my life. I had lost all my friends. My family relations were frayed. There was no semblance of a career left. My soul was hollow since my primary motivation for any action was to look good on the outside and ignore what's happening internally. Clearly I'd lost my way.
Fast forward to today, I remain a recovering alcoholic and things couldn't be more serene. While my network is small, it's filled with wonderful, thoughtful people. My career is still creeping towards a comeback, but at least it's on the upswing. I'm more comfortable in my skin than I ever have been in my 39 years of existence. Being Indian, being gay, being an alcoholic - labels I've fought for so long - now feel like blessings because it has let me pave a wonderfully quirky path. My growth is not always about self-improvement, sometimes it's just self-acceptance. Honestly grappling with my darkness has allowed me to go into the dark with others. I'm learning to transform daily speed bumps into spiritual tools. Really what I'm getting here in AA is a PhD in life.
A little tradition I have for myself when big changes are afoot is listening to one of my all-time favorite songs, Alanis Morissette's "You Learn". I did this when moving to SF, going through one of my best career moves, during a memorable trip to South Africa, experiencing my first breakup, begrudgingly returning to NYC, having my relapse, and going to Denver. I adore the message of this song, especially the pithy outro, so I'll end my final post as a NYC resident by sharing lyrics that mean a great deal to me...
You grieve, you learn
You choke, you learn
You laugh, you learn
You choose, you learn
You pray, you learn
You ask, you learn
You live, you learn
Big congratulations, T.B.D. May this change bless you in every possible way ✨🩷
Best wishes on a successful move and rebuilding relationships. Denver is great and if the York St meeting place is still around, it’s definitely worth making a regular (haven’t been there since C19). I always enjoy your writings, a good reminder after nearly 30 years on this path.