Hello my friends!
Welcome to another week of Growing Pains: Sober Girls Edition :)
Last week I went to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey and let me first share that it was an absolutely amazing experience. It was my first sober concert so I was a little nervous beforehand BUT, it was truly spectacular. I especially loved being able to remember the ENTIRE thing. Previously I would have pregamed the pregame, then pregamed, then drank on the way, would’ve been in a full blown blackout by the time the show started and wouldn’t be actually watching the concert until the next day through videos on my phone.
But this time, I was able to enjoy every second, aside from the smell of pot that was giving me a headache, and the stale beer smell wafting its way through the entire stadium. So bitching I was to my boyfriend who later shared with me that most members of the band are sober, one of which was a hardcore junkie for many years.
And then it hit me, sobriety is a way of life. I have always known and understood this but watching these guys jump around on stage, putting on a fantastic show and knowing they were sober was such a different feeling that I can’t put into words. And I had everything I needed in that moment, being with my boyfriend and his two sisters, knowing that my parents are just a phone call away and they are so proud of me for my almost eight months sober. Knowing that they aren’t worried about how drunk I could be getting, or if I’ll make it home safe and/or alive. I was listening to great music and was genuinely present. For the first time in a while I wasn’t worried about the what if’s, the what’s going to happen tomorrow, dwelling on what happened yesterday. I was purely present, enjoying the moment and it dawned on me that’s something I need to do more often…be present.
For a while I had been under the impression that having the self-awareness of my issues would be followed with instructions on how to fix them. I had brought a situation to my sponsor pertaining to jealousy in which she told me she told me “Okay. We know about this issue now, we have work to do and I don’t know what that work is yet. But we’ll figure it out.”
Which brings me back to being present, whether it’s at a Red Hot Chili Pepper concert or in my day-to-day, being present with “I don’t know, but I’ll do the work and figure it out” is enough. I don’t have to wrack my brain for the next 8 months or beat myself up about all the things I should be doing to fix it. I can relax, and know that as long as I’m willing and surrender my fear, I’ll get there one day. But all I have at this moment is this moment. Perhaps I should try to enjoy it.
Thank you Peppers, for reminding me of the importance of being present, that sobriety is a way of life, and for taking me to the place I love ;) (That’s a nod to Under the Bridge for anyone who might not know what the heck i'm talking about)
With so much love,
Jane
Growing Pains: Sober Girls Edition