Growing Pains: Sober Girls Edition
On Feeling Things...
Hello my friends!
Welcome to another week of Growing Pains: Sober Girls Edition :)
Listen to this week’s edition or read it here: Growing Pains: Sober Girls Edition 9.21.22:
This week, I have a lot to say as per usual so buckle up. First of all, have you listened to Episode 22 of Breakfast with an Alcoholic yet? Our lovely host Randall meets with the wonderful Paulina who let me be the first (technically second but whatever) to tell you she is absolutely incredible.
Paulina and Randall cover a lot of really great things in the episode (if you weren’t planning on listening, perhaps the desire to learn about “Barflina” will encourage you) but there were a few moments that really really stuck out to me.
I believe I have mentioned before that my father is the president of a community college in New Jersey. Everybody knows my dad, politicians, police men, board members all that jazz. And so my mom had always told me “you are a representation of your father.” I really played into that double life while I was drinking. Good girl, good grades, good presidents daughter by day and party girl by night. Quick sidebar - that whole double life thing was cute until bartenders in New Jersey would take my vape away and I’d start on the whole “Do you know who my father is” spiel.
The point of that very long-winded story is that I have this level of fear now in sobriety, that, God forbid, anyone finds out the college President’s daughter is an alcoholic. But for Paulina, her life and her struggles were broadcasted on national television. The amount of admiration I have for her is indescribable. She is sober, she is a fantastic writer, she is an incredible woman and she has a ton of courage.
She speaks about how when she was young, she loved to journal and when she was in school she could write an essay in 20 minutes but had no idea what she thought or felt. Which so resonates with me because at 1:30am, drunk out of my mind, I had no problem at all writing an A+ paper but when my therapist asked me to journal what I was feeling….I had nothing.
But with that said, sobriety has shown me how much I love to write, to create, to make art. I’m just afraid to take a leap into doing what I love for a living. Because that’s unknown and not comfortable and scary even though I know it would make me happy. Self-sabotage much?
Creating and writing and producing art whatever that art may be is so special in sobriety because to me, I finally let go of my filter. I’m not watering myself down, holding back things, I’m just me. And thank you guys so much for giving me something to look forward to in the morning when I can’t even believe I have to face another day of work. Thank you for letting me be me.
Paulina also talked about how sobriety has shown her that there is divine timing in everything (I feel like I’ve known this woman my whole life let me tell yah). When I’m feeling discouraged I often think about how a year and a couple months after my grandfather died (he had 23 years sober before he passed for those of you who may not know) I ended up in AA. The DAY I walked into my first meeting my mom had sent me a little sign. She didn’t know I was planning to go to a meeting that night she just knew I had stopped drinking and using. At the end of that meeting I realized the sign she sent me was the Serenity Prayer. I mean come on…the powers of the divine I like to believe….
Another quick sidebar - for anyone who is new and reading this, please know that you don’t have to know or understand anything about divine timing or God or a higher power right now.
The only thing that is important is not drinking.
One of the most helpful things I was told when I was counting days was that I don’t have to do anything except not drink. So if the only thing you did today was not drink, not use, and eat cookies, I am so proud of you.
So to finally conclude here (or to finally land the plane as I like to say), Paulina is fabulous and you must go listen to her episode (Episode 22 in case you forgot), it is such a privilege to be able to write here for you guys, thank you for letting me be 100% myself and I am so grateful I get to learn a little bit more about myself every time I am here with you.
With so much love,
Jane
Thanks for sharing!
WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DISCUSS!!