Hello my friends!
Welcome to yet another week of Growing Pains: Sober Girls Edition :)
If you’d like to read this on the website or you can listen, too: Sober Girls - I’m Jane and I’m an Alcoholic
Many of you know me, however, some of you may not so…with something very important to me looming I would like to take this opportunity to reintroduce myself and share my story.
My name is Jane and I’m an alcoholic. I am 23, I got sober when I was 22 on January 1st 2022.
I come from a very loving, very caring and very kind family on the Jersey Shore (no Snookie is not my mom and I have never been to Karma…). My mom devoted herself to being a mom to me and my sister and my father worked day in and day out to provide for us.
My father is a psychologist so sharing our emotions was a welcomed thing in our household. (My parents also told us when we were kids that if you can’t talk about something then you’re not ready to do it…I think that may have back fired on them a bit…sorry guys…)
Anyway, I have always known about AA and being sober because my mothers father was also an alcoholic who had 23 years sober before he passed in 2020.
To make a long story short - I had my first drink when I was 14. I did not have a white light, magic, “I have arrived” moment when I had my first drink. I don’t really remember that first drink to be honest. I just remember never drinking like a “normal” kid. I would black out, pass out, throw up, the whole nine yards.
I went to college and it was really balls to the wall. 18 years old running around the streets of Manhattan…. promoters, free drinks, the clubs, the bars, the lights, the music. It was then I had arrived.
I thought I was living my best life - the life that every kid from a small town where everyone knows everyone wants. To just be lost in a big, beautiful, ever changing city.
The reality was, I was a drunk. I could never stop after the first drink. So many empty promises of “I promise I'll slow down.” “I promise only one.” “I promise I’ll be home before midnight.” etc., etc., etc.
I transparently, have skimmed a lot off of this story but the point remains that I was just completely powerless. I fought tooth and nail trying to defend that I was in fact not an an alcoholic, but as it turns out, indeed I am.
New Years Eve last year wasn't anything special. The bars, empty promises to my roommate at the time, a black out…same shit different day.
But January 1st was truly my first white light experience, my first true spiritual experience. I knew it had to end, I knew I couldn't do it any more. So from January 1st - January 8th I stopped drinking and drugging completely. I was still in denial about the alcoholism thing but when Jan. 8th rolled around I started to crave a glass of wine and I knew where I needed to go.
So, I went to my first AA meeting and I haven’t looked back since. This past year has gone by so fast. Counting days 1-90 took about 9 years but after that…it has just flown by. Everything in my life has changed in the most beautiful way. It has been hard, there have been times of struggle and pain, frustration, anger, unwillingness, loneliness. But there have been more moments of happiness, laughter, love, community, fellowship and so so so so much gratitude.
I cant even begin to express my gratitude. For that one moment of grace, that led me here. For the people who love and support me. For the moments of joy and laughter and even the times where everything sucks because those moments teach me too.
After being in so much pain this year, I found my own conception of a higher power. I have true, genuine friendships. I have a stronger relationship with my parents then ever before. I have a partner who grows along side of me, supports me and is my best friend. I have been able to watch him grow in the most beautiful way, I get to watch other people come into AA and see the light turn on for them.
No matter how difficult sobriety is, it will always be worth it to me. This past year has been incredible and I am also so grateful for each one of you who reads these posts every Thursday. Whether you are in recovery too, the parent of someone in recovery, someone who is kinda iffy about getting sober, someone who isn't ready to do it just yet…I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this journey with me. Because, in case I haven’t told you, you guys have kept me sober for the past year too.
So, thank you.
With so much love always,
Jane
Always here for anyone who needs 🤍
Just incredibly awesome. I don't know you but I am glad that I read part of your story today. Thank you for sharing your light.