Hello my friends!
Welcome back to Growing Pains: Sober Girls Edition :)
If you’d like to read this on the website or you can listen, too: Sober Girls - Consequences
Happy Dry January my friends! Fun fact - When I first got sober, I told people (mainly work and my clients) that I was doing a dry January. Getting sober on January 1st made that super convenient and the only downfall for me was when people at work would start to ask me “you ready to drink again??”
I eventually told my colleagues that while there will probably always be a part of me that is “ready” for a drink, I cannot ever drink again as I am an alcoholic and “Dry January” was just a cover. (There was also a model who came into the office and they were basically doing an intervention for him which prompted me to be like…hey guys…but that’s a different story for a different day).
Most importantly, to anyone who is thinking about maybe possibly getting sober, Dry January is a good place to start. Putting down the drink is just the first step but if by January 31st you’re still dry and want to keep going, let’s touch base ;)
What I really would like to talk about today is the consequences of my drinking. I never got arrested, never got a DUI, never got fired or any of those things. But I did destroy relationships, traumatized my family, tortured my body (my boyfriend tells me I looked like Gollum from Lord of the Rings when I first started going to AA…). The list of consequences goes on and on but one of the most prominent ramifications right now is, that I adjusted all of my goals to match my drinking.
I heard someone speak last night about how his friends were adjusting their drinking to meet their goals while he was doing the opposite. And that one sentence smacked me in the face, because I so quickly lost my dreams to the bottle.
I went to college for art, photography to be specific. I had goals of becoming a Vogue photographer. At 13 I was taking college photography classes and being hired to take couples wedding photos. In college, I found an internship that turned into a job that paid me enough and never got upset with me when I showed up still drunk from the night before.
And now that I am sober, I have the whole world at my fingertips along with a rent bill, credit card bill, and the cost of living that haunts me in my sleep. One of the biggest consequences to me is that I completely lost myself, that fire that burned inside of me every time I took out my camera. I didn’t take the opportunities I should have while I was in college to become the artist I once wanted to be.
However, the miraculous thing is that I am sober, and I do have the whole world at my fingertips. All I have to do is turn my worry, my fear, my financial insecurity over to my Higher Power and in time I will figure it out.
I have to trust every day that what is meant for me is out there. I will find that fire again, but not if I’m drinking. And that is the most beautiful thing to me: That the possibilities are endless.
So, to anyone out there who may have lost their fire or is dealing with the consequences of their drinking, we are not doing this alone. We have each other and as long as we are staying sober, we will absolutely find our way.
With so much love always,
Jane
Thank you guys always for reading and always here to chat 🤍
You do have a fire inside of you. It’s the fire that burns to help you stay sober, to help you stay healthy and to stay motivated. The world is in fact at your fingertips and with your sobriety, there are no limits to what you can do. I sit back and watch in joyful anticipation. I love you.