I’m grateful for being reminded of the pithy Principles associated with each of the Steps. I’m grateful to reflect on my conversation with my cousin visiting from ABQ the other week and gaining new insights from it. I’m grateful for meetings with topics that force me to think about my sobriety in fresh, exciting ways. I’m grateful for the new light pouring into our kitchen from our new door. I’m grateful for the stunning cloud formations the Spring season has brought to Denver. I’m grateful for podcasts and new music enriching my runs and drives. I’m grateful for old timers showing up at meetings and sharing their wisdom. I’m grateful for all the YouTube videos we’ve been binging about superstring theory and the mysteries of the universe. I’m grateful for reframing my fears and embracing acceptance more quickly.
Only a couple of months have passed and we've run into a major-ish home issue. Our basement flooded multiple times this week because of rains and plumbing work being in done in adjacent units. While typically this event pre-AA would stress me endlessly and cause me to rage at others in search of a quick fix, the current, most authentic version of me is taking matters in stride.
Anger and frustration were muted reactions when I saw water streaming in through our mortar. Instead my mind managed to reorient itself to constructive speak:
Well, this is part of home ownership so I have to embrace the pros and cons
At least we have a HOA that should provide guidance and financial assistance so we're not completely alone
We do have the financial and mental means to patch this problem up
I'm being told the rainy season is winding down in Denver, which means there's time to implement longer-term fixes
...etc.
I'm honestly relieved that this is how I engage with myself these days because it ensures the world isn't facing my irrational wrath. I'm not bringing people down with my misery, but simply welcoming life on life's terms.
All this reminded me of something many people emphasized to me when I first joined AA: Happiness is not the point. The point of being in AA, as I understand it for myself, has been building up my spiritual condition. Building it so that I react with maturity and serenity to the good, the bad, and the neutral. Sometimes there will be health issues that are a matter of life and death and sometimes there will be flooding in my basement. How I react, how I walk through the situation and not around it, will ensure my spiritual backbone remains upright and strong.
These days I appreciate not numbing myself to the realities of existence. Personally speaking, it's more stimulating figuring things out rather than become a drunk corpse. A large part of my joy in AA is being proud of how I face matters. I get a kick from seeing my mind more automatically place problems in context and thereby diminish the power of defects like fear, anger, or ego. Every time I implement my actions in an emotionally sober fashion, I fortify my spiritual condition.
In my previous life I had that vodka bottle in my closet, on my nightstand, underneath my covers just instantly ready to touch my lips and whisk me away from consciousness. The bottle has been replaced with my journal that says PAUSE on the cover, my iPad where I've saved AA sayings from past meetings, a historical log of all my Daily Gratitude texts, literature like the Big Book and 12 and 12, meetings that I frequent, and much much more.
I am not meant to always be happy in AA because life isn't that way. I must strive to examine and evolve from the rollercoaster ride of daily existence. Through that journey my final state should be internal serenity. If serenity eludes me, I have to be open to the experience of learning why and moving on with added wisdom. This virtuous cycle that AA has taught me to practice keeps me in fit spiritual condition, which is the point of being in the Program and staying in the Program for the rest of my days.
Having same issue. Contractors proposed excavation of the outside of the house, sealing from the outside, what I did was lay a tarpbso when it rains water doesn't seep in the soil, next would be a pergola/roof. It's intimidating at first but there's always a solution to the problrm