Harper

I'm grateful for a YouTube home tour that gave me some creative, unique ideas on how to decorate our small space. I'm grateful for teamwork around designing our new gallery wall. I'm grateful for how brightly the sun shines in Denver because even on super cold days my runs are still manageable. I'm grateful for seeing storm clouds gracefully envelop the mountain peaks as I did my circles in Cheesman. I'm grateful for retuning to some super interesting, non-political podcasts like Radioloab, 99% Invisible, and Flightless Bird after having taken a break from them. I'm grateful for being able to virtually lead a NYC meeting that I haven't attended regularly since my move. I'm grateful for reflecting on spot-check inventories as a means to maintain my serenity through the day's ups and downs. I'm grateful for the rotation of powerful personal mantras that I am now able to repeat instinctually, especially when confronted by negativity. I'm grateful to practice living in the solution these days rather than lazily leaning on my defects as a form of expression. I'm grateful for enjoying hot chocolate and marshmallows when it's so very chilly outside.

I recently finished listening to the latest Serial podcast season called The Good Whale and it's about an orca named Keiko, who was most famously featured in the 1993 masterpiece 'Free Willy'. I don't know about you, but that movie was a staple of my childhood. The iconic imagery, the ubiquitous marketing, the novel animal protagonist were all kind of like the perfect storm when it came to imprinting on me at an impressionable age. I haven't thought about that film, or that orca, in adulthood very much so to hear Keiko's story in this podcast series was both surprising and moving. I won't spoil what happens, but suffice to say it got me thinking about the Keiko in my own life. He's a nearly 4-year old Poodle-Shepard-Terrier mix named Harper.

I adopted Harper soon after I left my 2-month stint at a sober home on the Upper East Side. I wasn't planning on getting a dog - in fact some folks say don't make big changes in early sobriety - but I got one nonetheless. I named him after the author of my favorite novel as a young adult, "To Kill A Mockingbird" by Harper Lee. He was a little floofy bundle and we got along instantly. After my relapse nine months later Harper was there on my bed - a place he typically isn't allowed - unusually calm, curled up in between my legs, probably sensing that I was going through some stuff.

The Serial podcast made me reflect on Harper and his indelible impact on my sober journey so far. When it comes to being disciplined about healthy routines, Harper has always been faithfully present to remind me of their importance. Despite barely being able to crawl to the bathroom a few feet away during my relapse, I still needed to somehow take him out for walks in the December cold 3x a day. That necessary task was honestly so helpful because I realized I cannot drink and do that too. I needed to put away the vodka bottle to be able to stand upright for at least 20 minutes and perform the bare minimum of any dog owner. It sounds insane now, but when in the throes of addiction sticking to the simplest routines was integral towards helping me claw back to normalcy. If it weren't in part for Harper, I don't know how long it would've taken me to get back on my feet - if at all. Nowadays being disciplined around my healthy routines is a MUST for maintaining serenity. I've thankfully graduated to recurring activities much more intricate than standing or walking my dog, but all of it is only possible when I successfully tackle those baby steps first. Harper was the initial catalyst for returning to my routines until I eventually garnered the strength to do it of my own volition.

Another event that taught me a lot about myself through Harper's experience was when he randomly got attacked by another dog on our street. Somehow I had had the foresight to get pet insurance a few weeks earlier so the $14k emergency vet bill was mostly covered. Unfortunately the owner of the other dog ghosted me despite promising to help foot the remainder of the bill (and being told by the courts to do so). While the human drama unfolded, I also took time off work to care for Harper who had to be given a bevy of medications throughout the day. Luckily I was able to leverage AA's wisdom during that period to guide me. I understood this is a situation I cannot control so I simply needed to perform the next, small right action to get through each day and whatever came about I had to find acceptance and gratitude in the result. The whole saga was important in revealing to me that I can go through hard things in sobriety and move on with my head held high regardless of the outcome. It also further strengthened my embrace of acceptance and gratitude, which have both become mainstays in my current sobriety.

I could go on and on about how caring for Harper has reinforced a myriad of sober values in my life. Values like love, loyalty, empathy, loneliness, adventure, self-care, and much more. I'm certainly not recommending getting a dog if you want to sober up (especially if you don't have the time or finances), but I will say my experience with having one has taught me a tremendous amount about practicing my Program. "Attraction, not promotion" is how we disseminate the message of AA and in a similar sense Harper shows me how to live a good, sustainable life through the power of example. My daily focus on my relationship with him has revealed answers to totally unrelated (occasionally bigger) issues impacting my existence. Thank you for being my teacher, Harper.