I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for a string of beautiful and sunny days. For really good AA meetings, for feeling motivated, for good books and slow mornings. I’m grateful always for coffee, for my higher power, for my sponsor and for opportunities to be of service.
Good morning my friends!
As always, I hope you all have been enjoying the week and are gearing up for a restful weekend. Or a busy one that’s okay too ;)
Recently I have been reading Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown which was recommended to me by my dad. In the book Brown takes us through 87 emotions and experiences, the feelings that come up, the definitions of each and the experiences we can have. I see why my dad recommended it to me…
One of the first emotions that she talks about is fear which she defines as “a negative short-lasting, high-alert emotion in response to a perceived threat”. If anyone here has experienced short lasting fear, please let me know. I would love to know what that feels like.
She also explains dread as something that occurs more frequently in response to high-probability negative events, stress as when we evaluate environmental demands as beyond our ability to cope and overwhelm as an extreme level of stress to the point of feeling unable to function.
All this time I’ve been using these words wrong to describe how I feel, and Brown is teaching me the importance of carefully choosing what words to use. I am constantly saying that I am overwhelmed, but that feeling of complete paralysis doesn’t happen to me that often. I have certainly felt that way before, but not has frequent as I think.
I have a ton of fear, but maybe it’s more along the lines of dread? And that is why I can’t relate to short lived fear. I dread large groups of people, I dread the possibility of being embarrassed, I dread Monday mornings.
Brown also explains admiration, jealously, reverence, comparison, worry and many more that I haven’t gotten to yet. The point is that there is so much power in being able to accurately identify how and what you’re feeling. So often I get lost in trying to articulate what is going on inside of me and I just don’t have the right words. But the more I can define the emotion I am having the more I am able to really feel it. To dissect it and learn how to be better if it’s a negative emotion, or truly embrace the positive emotions.
Emotions are a big hurdle for me because I am full of them all the time, I wear them on my sleeve, they are written all over my face and more often than not I don’t always know how to accept them.
But I am no longer looking at them as something to be ashamed of. I am emotional and proud. I don’t have all the words yet, and I probably never will but as with everything else, there is always something new learn.
Xx
Jane
Isn’t it brilliant (hard and shiny) when you begin to feel again? I remember the first time I once again had a hard belly laugh. It was my birthday (belly button) and I was 75 days sober. I laughed until it hurt and until I cried. I don’t even think it was that funny.