Hello Again, World

I'm grateful for a cool run in the rain where I felt stronger compared to the past few arduous days. I'm grateful for checking myself on the desire to exert control when it wasn't needed. I'm grateful for hopping on a NYC Zoom meeting I haven't attended for a bit and seeing some old friends. I'm grateful for the topic being an excerpt from the Twelve And Twelve about understanding our defects. I'm grateful I don't have the desire to have my defects define me, nor do I have the fear around letting go of them. I'm grateful for writing down the most current rotation of AA sayings / acronyms that are proving impactful for me on the daily. I'm grateful for engaging with writing even when I feel like I don't have much to say or don't know how to say it eloquently — staying disciplined around this practice is personally important. I'm grateful for knowing when to be quiet. I'm grateful for a fun new show on Amazon helping me discover old Charli XCX songs I'd forgotten or had totally missed. I'm grateful for the comfortable armchair in our home office -- knowing it came from a place that supports folks in recovery makes it all the more lovely.

With the incessant bold-red news headlines I graze over and the attention-seekers on every media platform saying salacious things simply to stir drama, I occasionally don’t feel particularly bullish about humanity in aggregate. It's rough hearing about the wars, the genocides, even the violence that occurred in my own state of Colorado recently, all occurring at a seemingly rapid pace.

Attempting to avoid getting sucked into a vortex of negativity is tough. One headline may not overwhelm my psyche, but an accumulation of them in my memory bank does take a toll. So what am I doing to take care of myself to ensure the toxicity that seemingly just lingers in the ether, whether far off or at my doorstep, doesn't lead me down a path of recurring bad actions or depressive behaviors? Honestly, I've said "practicing healthy routines" as a remedy a lot already in previous Posts. While that point still stands, a recent reframing of this sentiment in my mind has been to:

1) Touch Grass

and

2) Find My Community

Certainly not revelatory concepts, but for me acting on them can be challenging.

Literally touching grass is always super therapeutic. If it means going on walks with Harper in Cheesman Park and not bringing my phone, sticking to my daily run routine through the grassy parts of our neighborhood, or embarking on solo hikes along the myriad of mountain trails at our doorstep, I know that being in nature for extended periods always offsets my anxiety, my anger, my general agita. This tiny little insect will continue living its life no matter the headline I read. This grove of trees will continue pumping oxygen into the atmosphere for me to breathe. This blade of grass will find ways to nurture itself despite being regularly trampled. I have to be out in the real world and take in the sun's energy with no distractions in order to attain such perspective. It allows me to get out of self, out of defects that would otherwise impair my thinking and infringe on my serenity. If I truly open my eyes and feel the ground beneath my feet there is always tremendous beauty immediately available for me to absorb and appreciate.

As a self-diagnosed introvert I can shy away from finding community. Over the past few years regularly attending meetings and forcing myself to socialize with strangers in very real, vulnerable ways has melted a lot of the barriers I once had. One of the many great gifts of AA is that it has taught me how to build healthy community. I don't need to be everybody's best friend and they don't need to be mine. I can pick and choose the people I want in my life, being careful to collect the right group that positively nourishes my soul (and hopefully I do the same for them). Recently I've signed up for a fun book club, reached out to distant family in the Denver area who are super nice, volunteered for letter-writing events for incarcerated folks, and made movie plans with a few fellows whose vibes I dig. Slowly but surely I'm realizing that in these intimate interactions much good does indeed exist in our world. I simply have to keep myself open to the possibilities. Yes, we as humans will find ways to disappoint, but if I ingratiate myself in a tribe where we are able to regularly lift up one another, I can hopefully leverage that positivity as I navigate trickier or scarier environments.

Touching grass and finding community in the real world are on the surface quite basic pieces of advice for me internalize, but I frankly do forget. In forgetting I can quickly slide back into some dark spaces - most clearly apparent during my drinking era. But the Program's wisdom, which is found in the literature, the meetings, and the individual members, reminds me there is always an alternative to spiraling. Currently I notice that most clearly by being in Colorado's breathtaking nature and by actively engaging with in-person communities where I feel supported and loved. What I need to hold onto is investing in these twin practices on the regular.