I'm grateful for the feeling of productivity. I'm grateful for enjoying the new AA meeting I'm starting to frequent. I'm grateful for having the motivation to go on an evening run despite a long day. I'm grateful for reading tonally different stories in the back of the Big Book. I'm grateful for not judging myself too harshly when my mind falls into some of its negative thinking patterns. I'm grateful for people emphasizing the work that needs to be done to stay sober because it reminds me to remain action-oriented.
Happy New Year everyone!
Hope you all were able to get through the Holidays as drama-free and serenely as possible. My New Years was wonderfully quiet. It involved rewatching Star Wars: A New Hope, a tradition in this household over the past few years, and falling asleep before midnight arrived.
Resolutions aren't much of a practice for me. A fellow shared on a meeting recently that continuing to be an active member of AA and living the steps daily was resolution enough for her. That got me because it's exactly how I feel. Living daily in AA means engaging in so many good things - staying sober, being honest, enriching my spirituality, learning to listen, being of service, showcasing vulnerability, engaging in healthy routines, making positive new connections, etc. These are all great standalone resolutions for me, but having it be under the banner of "Continuing to be an active member of AA" hits the mark. It's pithy and efficient. While being more specific might be good as well, I like the "loose garment-y" feel of embracing this phrase as my resolution.
On that same meeting another fellow shared he's glad to have learnt the concept that we can restart our day at any time. While the milestone of a New Year is helpful, it doesn't need to be the sole benchmark. I can choose to make a decision now, this very second, to be whatever the best version of my sober self I want to be. If I fail multiple times today to be that ideal, that's ok. I can give myself some grace by remembering my humanity and go about practicing the principles of AA again with a clean new slate. I have already "failed" multiple times being the ideal AA member since the beginning of the year. However I'm reminding myself to keep trying and not let the ever growing weight of missteps prevent me from moving forward. I can resolve to be better at any time, I just need to make that decision to start anew now.
I truly appreciate the collective feeling of reflection a day like January 1st provides. I am also relieved to know that not all my decisions to be better, or to feel better, hinge on the proclamations of that day. Each day is a work in progress and that concept is mildly daunting, but mostly exciting for me.