I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for opportunities to do service, for Timmy and m parents, for a sunny morning and for it officially being spring. I am grateful for the way the seasons change, for the future and the past. I’m grateful it’s almost the weekend and for AA.
Goood morning my friends (: I hope everyone has been enjoying the week!
Today is going to be a quick one from me as I did not manage my time appropriately this morning. Meaning I still don’t feel great so I slept as long as I could BUT I feel like I’m turning a corner here so hopefully the next time you hear from me on Monday, I’ll be back to 100.
With that said, I spoke at a meeting last night and one of the shares around the room talked about identifying feelings, but sometimes being wrong in that identification.
It got me thinking about all of the times I’ve said I’m quick to anger. But that’s not necessarily true, sometimes I’m scared. Sometimes I’m hurt. Sometimes I’m confused or lonely and anger happens to be my defense mechanism to protect me from all of the other things.
Sometimes I don’t know what I’m feeling at all. And those are the times I need to turn to my HP. I have been neglecting HP lately, filled with tons of negative emotions but perhaps I’m not identifying them correctly at all. Perhaps I need to ask HP for help.
I am in a long term battle with God over my will vs theirs. And I think the longer I stay sober, the more that battle will subside. The more I’ll be able to accurately define how I’m feeling and why. The more I’ll be able to stand up for myself in kindness and be confident in every choice I make.
I don’t do it all perfectly and I won’t ever but I do trust that I will find my way. Because HP has not brought me this far to let me down now.
xx
Jane