I am so grateful to be sober. I’m grateful for a really good (and different) meeting, for dinner with a friend and for talking to my sponsees. For finally understanding that my experiences are valuable and can help someone else, for being connected to a Higher Power and for rest. I’m grateful for good music, a concert soon and for my family.
Good morning my friends!
Hope everyone has been having a wonderful week and is feeling a little bit free now that we made it through the holidays ;)
This is another one of those “written the night before” because I am 1) always wanting to be transparent here and 2) needing to run to the dentist this morning before work to pick up a night guard because your girl grinds her teeth…a lot.
But what a gift of sobriety it is to me. It’s so little but before I never cared about my teeth, or my health, or my body. And today I am getting my steps in before work, a nice little walk there and back. And I NEVER would have had the means to pay for said night guard because all of my money previously was being spent on alcohol so you know…it’s the little things.
As I write this though I have to be transparent too that I have been struggling with what to do about a certain situation (the one with outgrowing relationships that I wrote about a few weeks ago).
I know that in time the solution will reveal itself, or over time it will all make sense. And that my Higher Power has my back through this. But I have a racing mind and I heard someone say at a meeting that sometimes you have to let go of the person you think you are to make room for the person you’re becoming.
And maybe this is one of those situations. I can’t let go of the person I was a year ago to make room for the person I am becoming today. That’s why this outgrowing thing or whatever it is feels so hard and heavy and confusing.
What I do know is that I want people in my life who are constantly pushing me to be the best version of myself. Relationships where we can lift each other up, and pick each up when we are down. Where there is honesty and genuine truth, not judging or picking on each other. Where the growth is real and we don’t dance around things.
It’s hard for me to make friends. Maybe it’s because I’m an alcoholic or maybe because I’m just an anxious person or maybe that’s just an old idea I’m holding on to about myself. But regardless there is a lot of fear of being alone.
Which is quite ironic from the person who always says we don’t have to do anything alone. But at the core of a lot of my huge fears, is truly just the little one about being alone.
So maybe that’s why this is hard, or maybe I’m just making it hard. Maybe I just really need to go to bed. I don’t know but at the end of the day I DO know that it will be okay. That my fears are an illusion that bind me and as long as I’m connected to a power greater than myself, everything will always be okay.
Xx
Jane
Both going to the dentist 🦷🪥 😁 grateful for the teeth in my head and health insurance and prioritizing awful moments at the dentist 🫶🏼🙏🏼