I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a full weekend, for reading with my sponsor and my sponsees. I am grateful for a sense of clarity, for hones communication, for a slow morning and talking to HP. I am grateful the sun is finally back out, that the days are getting longer and for my family.
Good morning my friends (:
I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and is enjoying this fine Monday so far (switching it up from my usual new week wishes)!
It really hit me over the weekend that my cup is empty again. The kind of empty where I kind of just want to cry and sleep for a while. But you know what, for the first time ever, my cup being empty is okay.
Usually I would spend the first few days trying to dissect what’s wrong with my program, what I could be doing better, maybe take on a fourth service commitment, do a 90 in 90, add even more on to my plate.
But this time, I knew exactly what was/is wrong. Why everyone is irritating me, why I’m so tired and irritable. Because I’ve been going and going and not refilling. I’m running on E and that is okay. I know that I just need some me time to recharge.
It dawned on me that I’m so angry about this certain situation because when I was in the most pain I’ve ever felt in my sobriety, the people I needed most weren’t there. But there has always been this expectation for us to show up and be an umbrella to shield their pain no matter how old, unresolved and not worked through, no matter what.
I had expectations of what I wanted in these relationships, what I felt were the basics of these kinds of relationships. I’m letting it take up too much space in my own head today, and you know what…that’s okay. I see that I need to let go, see them not as villains but as people.
I was too tired to clean all the way yesterday, so I vacuumed, swiffered, cut a few corners and that is okay.
There really has been this shift in me. I feel like I am settling into that person I was always meant to be, seeing things just a little clearer, prioritizing the things that make me feel good just a little bit more, being more honest about what I need.
It doesn’t look perfect and it doesn’t happen every day but that is still okay. I’m finding this peace, just in who I am and acceptance for what is and I see where I can do just a little better but I’m not stressed about it. I know that I do the right things, the things I need to stay sober. The things I need to do to just be a good person, and that is enough for me right now.
And that is all okay. So if no one has gotten the theme for today’s post just yet, please, for anyone who needs the gentle nudge today, it is all okay. And if it doesn’t feel okay right now I promise it will eventually. Just hang in there, the other side is just around the corner, please don’t give up before you get there.
Xx
Jane
Absolutely love this take 💕