I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a slow morning, for a little extra rest, for two new books, and for the weekend on the horizon. I’m grateful for the way HP answers me, for my sponsees, for talking to my sponsor last night, for spending time with friend. I’m grateful for coffee, writing, getting back into the gym and a sunny morning.
Goooood morning my friends (:
As always, I hope everyone has been enjoying the week. I don’t know about anyone else but this week has absolutely flown by and yet I find myself thinking….It’s only Thursday…..
My mind is a little all over the place this morning. I am being uncharacteristically lazy (there are packages that need to be opened, the bed needs to be made, it would probably be good if I got out of my robe and ready for the day) or maybe I’m just moving slow this morning.
I’ve been thinking about the lovey time I had with my parents over the weekend, the book my dad and I have turned into an inside joke, and the cute little (it was actually quiet large) antique store my mom and I went to.
I’ve been thinking about how on my way down to Penn Station, I was in an Uber on the FDR gazing out the window and I’m pretty sure that was the first time EVER I felt fully present. No thoughts about yesterday, or tomorrow, or the next five minutes. Just me in the car. It was quite nice and maybe will a little practice I’ll be able to feel that kind of peace again soon.
I’ve been thinking about how so much of my happiness can be measured by how I’m preforming at work. How do I stop doing that and just become a worker amongst workers? How does someone who cares so much about everything they do care a little less? Or maybe it’s not about how much you are caring and more about how much power you are giving to things outside of yourself.
I’ve been thinking about how I feel like I’m standing at a fork in the road. I had been sharing a while back about how I feel these internal shifts. And then HP just completely lifted the blinders and let me see reality for exactly what it is. Helped me understand what I want to be like and what I don’t, how I want to show up as a sponsor and a friend, and a girlfriend and a daughter and a sister and all of the things. And now if feels like I’m being presented with - stay in what’s comfortable or take this leap into something new - I kind of really want to take the leap. And I don’t ever want to find out I’ve had a pair of blinders on ever again.
So with all this thinking I really do need to start to get myself together for the day ahead. But for the first time EVER again, I think I’m really okay with all this thinking. I’m not lost In, I have a clearer idea of what’s an action item and what’s not. And I am so not perfect, I may un up choosing wrong but I’m pretty okay with that. As long as I don’t drink and stay connected to HP I’ll be fine.
Seriously God though….no more blinders!!
xx
Jane