I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for a few lazy days, for a wonderful holiday with my family and for the Christmas decorations I refuse to take down. I’m grateful for my sponsor, for my sponsees, for my Higher Power and for AA. I’m grateful for doing new things and for clarity.
Good morning my friend :)
Hope everyone had a safe and happy Christmas and we are all gearing up for the New Year! I am currently sitting on the couch in the snuggie Timmy gave me for Christmas really taking these days slow because it’s that lovely week off in corporate between Xmas & New Years where time ceases to exist and I’m still not sure what day it is.
However, in my mania I have been redecorating the apartment and may or may not have ripped some paint off the wall that needs to be fixed ASAP. These past few weeks it has really been dawning on me that I am truly growing up in AA.
There are parts of me that I do know who I am but there are still a lot of other parts that I don’t know. Getting this job when I got it really showed me a lot of things. First and foremost, that I am worthy and I do not deserve to be treated poorly just because I am an alcoholic. It showed me that I am capable of both working hard to achieve something while also relying on my Higher Power and my fellows.
It also showed me that I can trust my gut. Most of the time those gut feelings that I cannot ignore no matter how hard I try are my Higher Power trying to talk to me and guide me. So now, I feel in my gut that some things need to change and perhaps this is the lazy approach but as I wait for some additional clarity, I have been taking a step back and really observing my relationships. Trying to see what is lifting me up and what is making me sad. And in between, manically reorganizing the apartment.
For clarity, a lot of the mania as well is about how squirrely I feel on the days leading up to New Years Eve. This time two years ago was so bad, just days away from my bottom. So while accidentally peeling paint off the wall perhaps isn’t the greatest thing - I am not drinking to cope with the weird feelings. And that is all that matters to me until we get to the 1st.
xx
Jane