I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a sunny morning and for not having to rush today. I’m grateful for my journals, for good meetings and for service. I’m grateful for vacation being so close, for willingness, for coffee and for being able to help others. I’m grateful for the woman’s meeting I spoke at on Tuesday, for the home we have and for the little things.
Good morning, friends :)
I hope everyone has been enjoying the week! Personally, coming out of the holiday weekend I have no idea what day it even is. Is it Thursday because it really feels like a Tuesday this morning…
I have a lot rattling around in my head lately so please bear with me. First and foremost, when Timmy and I decided not to move, I needed a project. So, I decided to redo our terrace which previously was decorated with one lawn chair. That’s it…one lawn chair that I proceeded to break.
So today I am writing for our refreshed terrace which now has a little bench, a large yellow pillow, an outdoor rug, a little stool, an aloe plant, and another plant friend on the way. And I am so grateful for this little space. Over the past few days, it’s become my sanctuary and just a gentle reminder that it really is the littlest things that make all the difference sometimes.
Second of all, I was at a meeting last night in which the speaker was sharing with us about how she asked a friend how they lost so much weight and the friend responded with “I stopped drinking beer”. Now, I very firmly believed the friend was going to respond with “I lost so much weight because of drugs” and that was how cocaine, or another substance was going to enter the picture in this woman’s story. Another gentle reminder for me…normal people do not think like that.
The speaker last night was also talking about how it’s such a gift to leave your home and only worry about checking to see if you have your phone and your wallet vs making sure you have your phone, wallet, alcohol to share, alcohol that’s just for you etc., etc., etc., Now when I leave my apartment I do check to see if I have my phone, wallet, keys, water bottle, work stuff, vape, glasses, needlepoint. The list goes on and on but when I get home or when I wake up in the morning, I no longer have the paralyzing fear that I left my debit card at the bar. Or who did I call last night and what did I say? Is everything still in my bag? Do I even still have my bag? What about my jacket and why are my feet so dirty? Did I go barefoot again??
The point I’m trying to get at is sometimes sobriety can feel so complex and it certainly can be at times. But more often than not, it’s just all so simple. I don’t rely on drugs to be skinny anymore, I don’t lose everything or walk around Manhattan drunk and barefoot. I have a home, a little outdoor space where I can find peace, I have relationships and I remember everything. I’m not hungover all of the time, I have choices and am not trying to constantly make plans with the right people, at the right places, where I can drink how I want and not have to explain myself in the morning.
It's so simple. So beautiful and being sober is enough for me to find gratitude in everything. And on my worst, most complicated days, I don’t ever want to be that drunk, angry, scary person again.
The other thing sitting with me lately is the art of not taking things personal. But I’ll save that for another day. Today’s let’s just keep it simple ;)
Xx
Jane
Oh my goodness, yes. The horror of waking up the next morning and being afraid to try to recall how big if an a$$ I was the night before🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ or any other number of stupid and embarrassing 😳 things...
Do Not miss any of that!
Thank God for my sobriety, sanity, and salvation every morning. 🙏
And my car is in the driveway...and I know where my keys are...and I remember how I got home!😂🤦♀️🤷♀️
Just keep it simple and the rest will follow. 💕