I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a short work week this week, for morning routines and for hopefully seeing my parents tomorrow. I’m grateful for big sweatshirts, little changes, and moments of grace. I’m grateful for coffee, for finishing one book and starting a new one, and for the beautiful flowers that were given to me yesterday from a wonderful friend.
Good morning my friends :)
I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and is feeling recharged for the week ahead! I personally found it very difficult to get out of bed this morning, I could have slept for a solid two more hours…
Yesterday I was in a bit of a funk, just feeling down and I was thinking about what to write about today when it dawned on me that I was sitting in some self-pity and perhaps being a little too hard on myself + taking my will back. It’s written all over the Big Book that on days like those the best medicine is to help others.
I have a sponsee who has a lot of the odds stacked against her, but I have watched her grow and flourish over these past few months. I’ve watched her form a relationship with a higher power, face a lot of challenging things grounded in trust and gratitude, I have shared with her little prayers that I use on a daily basis like “Bless them change me” and have seen her use those in the most positive and beautiful ways.
I have another sponsee who struggles to put a few days together. I have shared with her some of my deepest struggles, I have let her know that we don’t break up with sponsees in this lineage and no matter how much research she needs to do on if she’s really an alcoholic, I will be here. I have shared with her; your bottom is wherever you stop digging and there is an incredible life waiting for her on the other side.
I walk with these ladies’ hand in hand, because we are all alcoholics just trying to stay sober a day at a time. I am not an AA guru who as all the answers, sometimes I get into a funk and forget how beautiful this life is too. I am not perfect, and I will never treat a sponsee as if I know better because I don’t. I only know what my experience has been, how I have stayed sober, the suggestions others have given me. I know that I struggle with being told what to do, when you tell me what to do, I’ll probably do the exact opposite. So instead of dictating, I lightly (sometimes a little more firmly) make suggestions.
I am here to meet people where they are at versus where I think they should be or where other people think they should be. Everyone just needs a little patience and grace sometimes.
And if there I anyone out there struggling to put some time together, that is okay. We are here, we will always be here. It just doesn’t get much better out there. I understand how easy it is to think that it will be different, that maybe you’re not an alcoholic, but we have a disease that keeps telling us we don’t have a disease. We have physical cravings and mental obsessions, but the beautiful thing is – we’ve all experienced those. So please, pick up the phone, send a text message or give someone a call. We are happy to help, we need to help for our own sobriety.
And you do not ever have to feel alone again.
Xx
Jane
I love this post. A beautiful post about acceptance, support, guidance and love. You are an inspiration Jane.