More Will Be Revealed

I'm grateful for the motivation to complete my run despite feeling mentally and physically tired. I'm grateful for starting a new book. I'm grateful for hearing about moments of anger being met with love because they inspire me to follow suit. I'm grateful for getting to plan an extended trip in a week-ish - the fact that we have the means to do this is such an immense gift. I'm grateful for a peaceful evening walk with Harper where he found a wiffle ball that gave him immense pleasure. I'm grateful for the expression 'faith without works is dead'. I'm grateful for the fact that despite struggling with having faith on certain fronts I'm still not giving up on trying. I'm grateful I know how to better balance taking action vs. taking a step back. I'm grateful for the blueprint AA provides me on how to live as calm a daily existence as I can. I'm grateful for the sponsee checking-in simply to express gratitude for our relationship. I'm grateful for the community I have in my life that ensures if I falter, they are there to pick me up - I am very lucky to have these bridges intact despite having tried hard to burn them. I'm grateful for genuinely acknowledging that I cannot change the past - instead focusing on the positivity in my present to counteract the impact of those old demons.

I went to my favorite meeting here in Denver on Monday where the topic was "more will be revealed". The person leading mentioned how these exact words aren't actually found in the Big Book, but is still something we commonly hear in the rooms (probably because of its origins in religious text). I've always appreciated the phrase as it reminds me to stay humble by accepting current realities, invest in the next tiny right action, keep communication channels open with my Higher Power, and let go of being in the outcomes business.

Since getting sober much has happened in life that I NEVER thought would come to fruition. Sure, I've put in place breadcrumbs to hopefully reach certain milestones, but that didn't necessarily pan out in any sort of systematic way. I've had to learn to become comfortable with life's uncertainty.

As a recovering control-freak I'll tell you this notion is a hard pill to swallow. However with time and discipline around working the Program, it has gotten easier. The open-ended nature of "more will be revealed" doesn't feel depressingly daunting, but rather exciting and inspiring. I find comfort in the lack of a destination. If I continue investing in my emotional sobriety, the question around "what additional good can happen?" surfaces with greater regularity. I'm not necessarily focused solely on those cash prizes, even though they are nice. I find the intangible gifts ultimately more alluring as they will ensure my serenity remains intact for longer periods.

Life can be a rewarding, intriguing, endlessly inspiring journey that flows as naturally as a stream - if I allow it. But I require regular lessons on not getting in the way too much. Should obstacles arise I need to practice what I stated earlier: stay humble by accepting current realities, invest in the next tiny right action, keep communication channels open with my Higher Power, and let go of being in the outcomes business. Doing so better opens me up to what more I can learn from this beautiful life that I never could envision on my own.