I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a full weekend and that it’s almost July. I’m grateful for learning how to needle point, for coffee and for the 12 steps. I’m grateful for time with friends, great meetings and for learning more about myself.
Good morning my friends!
As always, I hope it was a wonderful weekend for all of you and everyone is feeling rested for the week ahead :)
For any new faces around here, coming up on July 1st, I will be sober for exactly one year and six months. In my first year of sobriety, I changed my sponsor three times. My first two were exactly what I needed in those moments, but I have spoken about before the kind of sponsor that I personally need. Someone who I can call equal parts friend and sponsor, someone who doesn’t yell or get pushy but does give me some tough love when I really need it. I found my current sponsor in October of last year and she has helped my completely 180 my program.
I share all of this because this past Friday, I officially became someone else’s sponsor…. holy shit. I have wanted to be a sponsor pretty much since the first day I got sober and when I first started talking to this woman, I was so nervous. Someone else thinks I’m capable of being their sponsor?!?!?!
But even in the past few days it has been so beautiful, and it truly feels like an out of body experience when she comes to me with the SAME things I’ve gone to my sponsor with, and I am able to effectively help her…this program man…it really works.
I have the opportunity to be what my sponsor is to me, to someone else and I couldn’t be any more grateful for that. And I couldn’t be any more grateful for a whole year and a half sober either…in all honesty these past six months have been more difficult than my entire first year.
I am still learning to get ahold of my emotions, I am still learning how to find confidence in myself, I have come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably never be “sane” but that’s okay. Even writing here today, I have the “you’re not good enough” feeling creeping in. My eating has been really difficult lately, I feel like everything I eat I gain 20 pound and that same voice that wants me to not eat is the same voice that wants me to drink.
Despite all of the difficulties though, I remain sober. Because what a gift it is to feel your emotions, to have honest conversations, to ask for help (even when it’s hard and the last thing I want to do) to learn all of these things so I can help someone else through it. To watch the light, turn on in someone else’s eyes! I wouldn’t trade that for anything,
And the summer hasn’t been easy, everyone please fuck off with your Apreol Sprtiz’s. But I can play the tape forward and I know that it would never ever be just one drink, it would be an Apreol Spritz followed by 8 more, shots of tequila and a bag of cocaine that would likely have too much fentanyl in it.
Overall, despite all of the trials and tribulations I am incredibly grateful for this sober life I have any everything about it. And for the chance to see the light in other people, to help them find that light, to grow it, and to lead incredible sober lives themselves.
Xx
Jane
You're doing it, Jane. Keep coming back.
Keep the faith always. ODAAT. 😎