Reframe

This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl

Hi friends (: As always, I hope everyone had a nice weekend! 

I don’t quite know where to start today so why don’t we jump right into it. Obviously last week I had shared about feeling down. And honestly I’m tired of hearing myself talk about. The same thing over and over and over again. So yesterday I had a long conversation with my sponsor and she asked me to bullet out exactly what is making me feel stress. 

Three bullets. That’s what we came up with. Just three. And while each of those three feel incredibly heavy they are all honestly things that are out of my hands or things that can be delegated to others. I also spoke to my Dad over the weekend after I cried all day Friday & then woke up on Saturday and cried some more and he reminded me of the importance of practicing gratitude. My sponsor and I talked about the importance of doing really teeny tiny things to make your day better including but not limited to, going outside, getting some sun, taking a walk etc.. 

So today I have omitted the standard gratitude list up above for a more sincere one down below. Of course I am grateful to be sober, and for the sun and my sponsor and AA. But that’s always what my gratitude lists look like. Here is what I am deeply grateful for - in 3 bullets. 

• Today, I am grateful that Ori survived. I am grateful that I thought quick enough to save him. I’m grateful that we so quickly (because of AA) found a lawyer to help us. I am grateful that we moved so I can feel safe, so I don’t have to step into that very same elevator every day, multiple times a day. I am grateful for the doctors at the AMC, for my friends who continue to let me feel sad and angry and do not judge me because those feelings are so valid. I’m grateful our attorney handles speaking to the building so I don’t have to and I am grateful that Tim is willing to speak to the attorney so I don’t have to relive and relive and relive even though I do anyway. I am grateful that we had so much help and while justice hasn’t been served in the way I want it to YET, I know I will eventually feel relief. 

• Today I am grateful that I can put my financial insecurity into perspective. I am very privileged. I always know how my bills are going to get paid. I know I will always have a roof over my head. I know that I will always have food in the fridge, the AC on these hot days and the heat on the cold days. I know I will always have clean water to shower with, a clean bathroom to use. I have health insurance and dental insurance and vision insurance and I am so grateful for all of those things. I’m grateful that I don’t always have to be hyper-independent. I am grateful to know that I can feel uneasy but I will always have support. I am grateful that I can be aware of my ego and aware of my insecurities all at the same time & that I can work everyday to not let either get out of hand. 

• Today I am grateful for my family. That we are all always willing to sit down and communicate and learn and grow and change and fall and stand back up again. And while it certainly does not look perfect, we are willing to do it together. I am grateful to have my mom in my life, my dad in my life, my sister (in her own unique way) in my life. I’m grateful that Tim is a part of my family now. I am grateful for his sisters and his brother and his mom and his dad. I am grateful that families evolve. I am grateful that mind loves each other boundlessly. 

Today, I am reframing. And living in some much needed gratitude. 

xx  

Jane