Santa Claus is Coming to Town
This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl
I am so grateful for my sobriety. I am grateful for a tiny change in perspective. I’m grateful for my family, my friends, the holidays and getting to spend some time out of the city. I’m grateful for Christmas lights and music, for hot coffee and a warm apartment. I’m grateful for my relationship, my puppy, my higher power, my home group and my great big sober life.
Good morning my friends (: I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend but above all else I hope everyone is able to spend some time with their loved ones this week for the holidays.
The holidays are hard whether you are new or have been around for 40 years and this morning id like to remind everyone that you don’t have to drink. For anyone here in NYC the 79th street workshop is having an alcathon on Christmas and on New Year’s Day, there are zoom meetings ALL THE TIME and nothing - not even Santa shoving his ass down your chimney, is worth drinking over this fine holiday season.
I had my office Christmas party last week and if yall read my post last week you already know I was not in the greatest frame of mind to spend 3-4 hours with my colleagues. Last Christmas I was SO nervous to go to the holiday party and look like a weirdo with my seltzer but this year a seasoned seltzer veteran I held my seltzer with pride and when a colleague was insisting I take a tequila shot I said no.
I actually said ‘I can’t.’ After a few more oh come onnnnsssss I think it hit them what ‘I can’t’ actually meant and I have to say guys — that tequila shot looked pretty fucking appetizing. Last week was pretty fucking shitty and I absolutely wanted to drink because I absolutely did not want to deal (and quite frankly I still don’t) with the volume of uncomfortable emotions I am feeling.
But when faced with a tequila shot I still said I can’t. I can’t even though I want to because I have this big beautiful life that I haven’t really practiced gratitude for in a while. I can’t because losing my time over you people (aka work people) just simply isn’t an option. I can’t because despite how good that shot looked I’m an alcoholic, I have an allergy and I just cannot have alcohol very much like someone who is allergic to peanuts that cannot have a peanut butter cookie despite how good that cookie looks.
And so I’m pretty proud of myself. Proud that I’m just a few days I will be 3 years sober. Proud that this year has been shitty but I have learned a TON about myself, about what I want, about who I am. Proud that I still love AA with every fiber of my being.
I am so scared in the face of so much uncertainty. But I have an army of people who are there to help me even if helping me is just sitting with me and talking to me about nothing. And I am a part of an army who is always willing to help someone else. Whether that help is just reminding someone that they don’t have to drink today.
So friends, Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Here’s to the New Year. I hope everyone’s holiday is filled with love and light and laughter and good health and if you are sitting with uncomfortable emotions you can be both - happy and sad, jolly and scared. But don’t let the uncomfortable steal some of your joy and definitely don’t let it steal your sobriety.
Just say you’re allergic to potatoes or something (;
Happy Holidays.
Xo
Jane
I live in a small town and have 2 women that come to my house on Friday night for a meeting. We generally include listening to a podcast episode of TFLMS. Most recently we heard you and Randall talking when you were 4(?) months sober. 3 years ago!! I’m so glad you said NO to the tequila. You give us hope to continue our journey. We thank you for sharing your experience! One day at a time - one more sober Christmas. 👏🏼☕️
Wishing you peace and contentment in the coming new year.I read all of your posts and cheer you on for for your courage to stay sober and be honest with yourself and others. (Step five is handy for all of us - drinking or not). You are loved.