I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful that the sun is peaking out a little this morning, for comfy sweatshirts, for Timmy, my mom and my dad. I’m grateful my sponsor is back in town and I get to see her today, I’m grateful for coffee, slow mornings, and rest. I’m grateful it’s almost the weekend, for new books and for honesty.
Good morning my friends!
As always I hope everyone is having a lovely week and has something exciting on the horizon for the weekend (if that something exciting is catching up on sleep) :)
I had the wonderful thought yesterday that if I just make the bed as soon as Tim leaves for work in the morning then I definitely won’t go back to sleep. Well Tim left for work and I immediately went back to sleep. I mean truly, I know it’s possible I just don’t think I want it bad enough. I do enjoy complaining though about how I have one hour to shove in an entire morning bc I couldn’t just get out of bed at 7:30….
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how there can be a huge difference between what someone says and what someone does. I forgot if this is an actual line in the Big Book or just a note that I have written down BUT it says something along the long the lines if - you can see someone’s connection with their Higher Power through their actions.
I like to believe the way I act is pretty reminiscent of the connection I have with my Higher Power, that what I say is pretty aligned with what I do. Listen I am not perfect but I certainly don’t pretend to be, not here or out in the world. I try not to harp on the past anymore, I am careful to say my program is ROOTED in love and kindness because sometimes I can be an asshole, but I always have those roots to turn back to.
I don’t give suggestions to my sponsees that I wouldn’t take myself. I’m not great at meditating so I don’t get on my sponsees about mediation.
Yah know it it’s applies to so much more other than AA. Parents - I know there’s a saying out there “You kids do what you do not what you say”. We can say one thing but our actions speak SO MUCH louder than our words.
And I know you guys can see it, all of this is directed at a particular thing that I’m not quite ready to share about yet. It’s just been so in my face lately, the way I don’t want to be. The kind of program I DO have and want to have. I am the kind of person who treats people the way I want to be treated but in that same breath, I don’t take my kindness for weakness. I guess I still need to work on the acceptance thing but for today, I am going to speak and act in alignment with myself. Not who you think I should be, or how “someone with two years” should be. I am going to be honest that I don’t know anything, that I am constantly learning and there is nothing in me that might say I know better than you.
Today is for alignment (;
Xx
Jane