Scattered Thoughts

This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl

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I am so grateful to be sober. I am grateful for a slow weekend, for speaking at a meeting yesterday, for seeing T on Friday and for my sponsees. I’m grateful for my service commitments, for vacation being so soon, for good music and good coffee. I’m grateful for extra rest, for my books and for a fresh week.

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Good morning my friends (: I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and is feeling rested for the week ahead!

I folks am tired - and I thought people knew what I meant when I said that but perhaps I haven’t been articulating myself very well.

Physically, I slept from like 11pm ish to almost 9am this morning. That’s a lot of sleep and so I am totally feeling rested.

Emotionally I’m at like 25%, mentally I’m at maybe another 25% and spirituality let’s just round that out at another 25%. So did I sleep? Yes, but in all those other areas I’m exhausted. And we have vacation soon and I’m pushing myself to get to vacation where I can really refill my cup because in this moment it’s really hard for my to pour into others. So the easiest way for me to explain all of that is - I’m tired.

I’ve also com to understand that I take my career super seriously, growing in my career and making sacrifices here and there to get where I want to be one day. For a long time I kinda fought that - I felt like if I devoted to much to my job than I wasn’t taking my sobriety seriously. I’ve learned that that’s not true.

I can do both, I can prioritize both my career and my sobriety and that does not make me bad at sobriety. I want to succeed in both areas and I don’t have to fight that, I can just accept it and keep doing the best I can.

And my final thought for ya’ll this morning - it’s been really bothering me lately how someone said to me that meditation = connection with God. And if that is the requirement well I am most definitely failing.

Fortunately it’s not and for me I don’t find God in meditation. I don’t mediate pretty much ever and that doesn’t mean I won’t some day, that just means I don’t put a lot of effort into it right now. And that’s fine I connect with HP in a million other little ways that mean the world to me. Like yesterday, I spoke at a meeting and the room just looked exactly like the room that was my grandfathers home group down in Jersey. And while I was speaking two little birds flew up to the window and watched for a while. While it may sound a little crazy to others, to me that is God. That’s what keeps me sober and I couldn’t have seen those little birds or that eerily similar room if my eyes were closed.

So no shade on mediating - it’s a powerful practice and I wish I was better at it. But for me, that does not = God.

Maybe the over all message today is acceptance, or maybe it’s just you make your sobriety whatever you put into it, or maybe it’s let’s all try to recharge. At the end of the day, whatever you guys get out of this today I hope it helps and we all spend another day sober today (:

Xx

Jane