I am so grateful to be sober. I’m grateful for my service commitments, vacation to look forward to with Timmy and my family, for coffee and a warm apartment. I am grateful for coffee, not rushing, for talking to HP and for a slow morning. I’m grateful for a sense of peace, for all of the people I have in my corner and for the opportunity to help others.
Good morning my friends (:
I hope everyone had a lovely weekend full of whatever helps you relax and recharge for the week ahead.
I know I mentioned this briefly last week but seriously….why is it impossible for me to get up early these past few months. At first I blamed it on our Vegas trip & the time change, then daylight savings, then my body just needed the rest and now??? I genuinely believe I am only meant to be a morning person in the summer because let me tell you the constant grayness outside, the fact that it’s freezing out, nothing about that is making me feel motivated to get up.
So here I am, with work in 30 minutes very much so struggling to keep my eyes open…
Outside of that, I celebrated my anniversary for the last time this month last night at my home group's anniversary meeting. I picked up another commitment this term of getting the anniversary cakes for said anni meetings and it was just such a lovely evening. Despite the drama that has ensued since I quit vaping, I have definitely felt this shift within myself.
I wear my sobriety a little looser. 99.9% of my fears come back to just one - Fear of being completely alone. Not lonely, but looking around and there not being a single person in my life anymore. But I've definitely come to a place where I trust that that won’t happen. Hp wouldn't let that happen.
And so I’ve felt a little less on edge, a little less like I need to control everything, a little less like one wrong breath in the wrong tone from a friend means the end of our friendship, I am in such a different place than I was a year ago, than I was two years ago and I also know that I have to keep growing & furthering that feeling. It doesn’t just stop here, the work never stops. If I can keep doing the work it’ll just keep getting better for year 3 & beyond…one day at a time.
Xx
Jane
For all the times I read your posts, but do not respond...I am grateful for your shares. I quit smoking 32 years ago and it is still one my proudest and yet most difficult accomplishments. Thank you for showing up in a way that gives me permission to be imperfect, accepted and hopeful as well.
Jane, you will NEVER be alone. Dad and I will ALWAYS be in your corner. I love to hear you talk about how you’re growing through your hard work and dedication. I love when you sound proud of yourself. That’s the most important thing. I love you!