I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a slow weekend, a clean apartment, and for a sunny morning. I’m grateful for my parents, for Timmy, for coffee and that the days are getting longer again.
Good morning my friends!
I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and is feeling refreshed for the week ahead (:
I for one, don’t feel like I have much to contribute today because I am on day whatever of quitting vaping and I am not having a fun time.
I mentioned it briefly last week but I truly have found a whole new layer of compassion because when I got sober I very much so was given the gift of willingness and my mental obsession was lifted. Sometimes of course it pops up, but it’s only ever fleeting and I know it’s just my disease.
These days however, all I can think about is vaping. Or how to avoid vaping. And I am being such an addict. I am thinking things like “Nicotine made me confident.” “Nicotine made me a good employee.” And I have to constantly remind myself that nicotine did none of those things, it just made me feel normal.
And so now I don’t feel normal and I’m freaking out and I would just love for this to be over. But as with everything else I have to do this one day at a time and quite frankly, one hour at a time and trust that eventually will feel better.
But for now, please forgive how short this post is. Or my babbling. I have 3947324 things to do before I start work in 20 minutes, I am stressed and need to pray and for the love of God just want to vape.
Hopefully by Thursday I will be less insane. Because of AA I know that I will be. I just need to give it time.
Xx
Jane
I love you for this post. Now go get those 3947324 things done and go have a great day.
I held on to nicotine for a long time in recovery from alcohol. And then that obsession was also lifted, a gift that changed everything. In the first days, I knew enough to recognize the crazy was often the addiction chasing the next fix. But the fix was letting it go. I wondered if I would want it back if I was around it again, and that wasn't very practical. Recovery didn't work that way for me, it did not hold any appeal and I'd been so tired of managing the addiction. Best supportive wishes.