Sincerest Apologies
This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl
I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a relaxing weekend at home, for seeing my sponsor today, for being able to travel and for AA. I’m grateful for books, coffee, comfy hoodies on a gloomy day and for a fresh week. I’m grateful for my pup, my family, my friends and this big beautiful life AA has given me.
Morning my friends!
SO sorry I accidentally for real went on hiatus last week!! No emergencies this time (thank God), I was just in Colorado and by the time I realized I hadn’t posted it was too late….
But here we are and with just one little week off I have so much to say (;
First and foremost I don’t know how you jet setters do it. I went to Disney, then I went to Colorado and let me tell you I am EXHAUSTED. Totally content not seeing the inside of an airport for a while and sooooo happy to be in my apartment, with my boys and my coffee and my books and my journals and I don’t have to wear jeans for the foreseeable future!!
Also…I love New York man. It’s of course such a privilege to get out and explore but my heart belongs to New York and New Jersey. To the beautiful, crazy, sometimes smelly city I live in where no one ever asks me if I want to go on a hike (for clarity, I don’t.). CO was BEAUTIFUL and it was such a joy getting to spend time with my team, I’m just an East Coast girly pop for SURE.
All of that said, while I was away someone for the first time ever very seriously asked me if I thought I would ever be able to drink safely. I almost fell out of my chair, no one has EVER asked me that. And of course I responded with no, I cannot ever drink safely because 1 is never just 1. Once I start I can’t stop so 1 becomes 10 and then I’m in a black out and that’s just the beginning so the best thing for me is to not do it at all.
And I’m honestly really proud of that. I’ve said it 100000 times here but I’m proud to be in AA. Lately I’ve been feeling like though, that life and AA aren’t matching up right now. Like life has gotten busy and big and I’m not making meetings every single day anymore, I’m not calling my sponsor every single day, sometimes I need to miss one of my service commitments. None of that means that I’m NOT going to meetings, that I DON'T talk to my sponsor, that I’m NOT doing any service. Life has just gotten big.
But it kind of makes me sad. Grief in a way, missing that little gold star AA’er that I once was. But just because life has changed doesn’t mean I can’t sit in front of someone and automatically respond with - no I cannot drink safely.
This year I have reconnected with AA and HP in a way I absolutely never expected. And life has gotten so good in a way that I didn’t expect either. So I guess when I say AA and life aren’t matching up lately that is purely scheduling wise. But AA is still the foundation of my life and therefore my life is everything plus AA.
That is either super poetic or makes absolutely no sense 🤷🏻♀️ Point is, I’m really grateful for this program and all that it’s given me.
Without it my life would be really sad so I’m really glad my biggest issue today is scheduling (;
Xx
Jane
P.S. I am really sorry again for missing last week. Hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead!