Staying Sober Around The World...In Epcot
This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl
I am so grateful to be sober today. I’m grateful for a sunny day and a long weekend starting tomorrow. I’m grateful for friends who always show up and I’m grateful that I get to show up for others. I’m grateful for a crummy day to have passed, for a fresh day today, for my journals, my sponsor, my new favorite coffee and for a new book recommended by my dad.
Good morning my friends :)
I hope everyone has been enjoying the week and that, if possible, you’re able to take off an enjoy the long weekend!
I know that MDW can be a challenging time for many. The warm weather, the beach, the trips, all of it can be one huge trigger.
Personally, I’m still coming down from our trip to Disney but specifically, this day last week we were back in Epcot. First of all, I was talking to my sponsor in the park around 10ish in the morning and I look over and see an almost empty cup of wine.
In which I said to my sponsor I never thought I could have ever sat next to any form of alcohol and not have the urge to drink it.
At 12:30 I made my daily zoom meeting. And I was starving. So, I was looking for something to eat on the Walt Disney World app and every single close by food option had their menu listed as:
Alcohol
Alcohol
Alcohol
Alcohol
Alcohol
Alcohol
Two food options – One of which has alcohol in it.
For a very brief moment, I thought about how easy it would be to just go buy a drink and no one would know. WHILE I WAS SITTING IN AN AA MEETING.
And that thought scared me. It scared the shit out of me quite frankly and I had to remind myself that, that is my disease telling me I don’t have a disease. That it would never just be one drink, that everyone would know, and I don’t want to lose all the time I’ve worked so hard for.
I ended up getting a quesadilla from the Mexico pavilion, continued listening to the zoom meeting and recognized the power of HALT - Pausing when you’re hungry, angry, lonely and/or tired.
And then…I became very angry. Angry at the people in their “Drinking around the world” Epcot shirts. Angry that Disney gets to profit from “Your children are screaming? Have a cocktail!”
Angry at the waitress who a few nights before, when I asked her if there was any alcohol in our desert, gave me a hard time for not telling her I had an “allergy” when we first sat down.
Again, I had to remind myself that none of this is happening to me, it’s just life. I had to check in with another alcoholic to get out of myself and I had to find the closet place I could get some ice cream….
I remember that these moments are why I put myself into the center of the heard like it was suggested when I first got sober. So that I can have resources, and accountability and sobriety all around me. Even when I feel far away and a little scared.
Mostly importantly, whether Epcot is triggering me, your upcoming vacation is triggering you, Memorial Day Weekend is triggering overall or today is just an off day, no matter what we don’t ever have to drink again.
We don’t have to drink to get through the triggers, we don’t have to drink to get through the hard days and we don’t have to drink just because our brains tells us we want to.
Everything always passes and we can still come through on the other side sober, together.
Xx
Jane
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s helpful to me. Curious what book your dad recommended? I’m always on the hill t fir a new good book. Thank you.
Jane, I’m trying to find the right words to put down. What keeps coming to my mind is how strong, brave and determined you are. You amaze me every day. I love you! Mom