Stuck in my Own Shit

This Week on Diary of a Sober Girl

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I am so grateful to be sober. I’m grateful for a long weekend, for rest, for books, for my friends and my family. I’m grateful for our puppy, for our apartment, for AA and my service commitments. I’m grateful for a fresh week, that things change, for the Fall and for coffee.

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Gooood morning my friends,

As always, I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and you are feeling refreshed for the week ahead!

Today’s a short one because a) I’m tired of hearing myself talk about the same thing over and over and over again and b) I started writing just a tad too late.

Know given I am tired of hearing myself talk about the same thing my question is - what do you do when you’re stuck in your in shit, you have all the tools, you are uncomfortable and yet there is no motivation to fix it.

Maybe motivation isn’t the right word, and maybe not enough energy is a stupid excuse. My cup is so so empty and three days of rest didn’t quite fill it up like I wanted it to. But more than three days just isn’t a possibility right now.

I am tired and I am isolated, and Timmy told me he’s worried about me which is something I must take seriously because he has never said that in all the time, we’ve been together.

I keep thinking about ‘this too shall pass’ which I really hate because I don’t want to WAIT for it to pass, I want it to pass right now.

And I’ve been thinking about the person I was when I first got sober, who made a million meetings and had a million service commitments and at one point had four sponsees at a time and I miss that. I miss that little AA flame, and I want it back.

I don’t think I every really gave myself time to adjust to all of the things that have changed in the past year or maybe I did and I’m just full of excuses I don’t know but I’m so.tired. Of going round and round in this circle.

They say you can reset your day at ANY point in the day. Might that also apply to a year? It’s October already but I can reset at any point.

I feel very alone, and I know I’m not actually alone, but I have definitely forgotten just how many people I have and how good it feels to even just talk to a sober friend you haven’t talked to in a while.

So, I’m stuck in my own shit and I’m too tired to get out of it. This will pass and it’ll be okay but truly I’d really love it, if it just passed.

xx

Jane