I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for a relaxing weekend and for catching up on some reading. I’m grateful for a gorgeous day, for time spent with friends and for one last day off from work. I’m grateful for coffee, for my journals, for a connection to a higher power and for endless possibilities.
Good morning my friends :)
I hope everyone had a lovely weekend and I apologize for being a little late today…what better way to spend the last day of a long weekend sleeping in a little?
I actually hate sleeping in now…. when I was drinking 11am, noon, 1pm would be the start to my day. Now, waking up a little before 9am feels like I’ve already missed so much of the day. And as long weekends typically go for me, I will spend the majority of the day preparing myself for work tomorrow.
Most importantly though, today I want to talk to you guys about feeling squirrely and emotional hangovers. Last week, I shared about staying sober in Disney World with alcohol all around but like I also mentioned last week, this time of year a whole isn’t easy.
Last year, it was the fall time that made me super aware of how much people were dinking. The crisp air, beer gardens, the whole nine yards which was followed by my anniversary in January which was a mix of a can’t believe I haven’t had a drink in a year and holy shit…I can’t believe I haven’t had a drink or a drug in a year.
But the start of the summer this year, has been a little weird. Maybe it’s because I was hyper aware of all the alcohol in Disney that put me a little on edge trickling into today, but it just feels like everyone is drinking.
And I don’t want to drink, I’m just still frustrated that when we go to dinner somewhere that isn’t a diner, there are already wine glasses at the set tables. And how on earth can normal people sit at dinner and leave with a barely touched drink?
I heard someone once say that you can go anywhere and do anything as long as your connected to your Higher Power. There is also a promise that says something along the lines of we will recoil to alcohol as we would to fire. I most certainly recoil to alcohol in a way I never thought possible and while I still get frustrated (which is 100% normal) I know that my Higher Power knows I never want to be the way I was ever again and isn’t going to let me pick up a drink.
Lastly, for anyone who hasn’t heard of an emotional hangover, I don’t have an exact definition for yah. However, the best way I can explain it is when something emotional happens. A fight, a promotion at work, a bad day, anything that involves a lot of feeling and the next day you wake up feeling drained. Not head pounding, shakes, what happened last night kind of hungover but emotionally tired, maybe a little grumpy, how can I be sober for some time and still fee all these new feelings kind of hangover.
I think that also plays into the squirrelyness too. Over the past few weeks, I have made some amends, got into a really intense fight, worked hard to stay away from alcohol and I think I’m having a delayed emotional hangover.
Which is certainly starting to subside, but I still need to remain aware of. At the end of the day, I am so grateful I get to feel all of my emotions, I’m grateful I get to be aware of where certain thoughts and feelings come from and that what I feel other people have felt too. And that no matter where I am, no matter what feelings I am having, no matter what I know a drink will never ever make it better.
Xx
Jane
I love your usage of the word, squirrelyness! I have been using this term for myself too when I feel off balanced. I am experiencing my second summer sober too, and it’s definitely an unique time of the year compared to the rest of the year.
Powerful, beautiful words, Jane, and your art is absolutely wonderful! Thank you for a great read. 😊