I am so grateful to be sober today. I am grateful for how sunny it’s been these past few days, for talking to my dad last night, for reading with my sponsees and for coffee. I am so grateful for the little affirmations around the apartment, for being honest with myself, for slow mornings and for rest. I am grateful for AA, HP and for so much support in my life.
Good morning my friends (:
Happy Friday Jr.! I don’t know about anyone else but I am so ready for the weekend, even though the weekend is actually a little busy.
I did however, see a penny on the ground last evening while I was on my way to read with a sponsee and it made me think of our very own T.B.D.
A little bread crumb on the heavily foot trafficked streets of NYC, letting me know I’m on the right path.
As I have mentioned I am exhausted these days. Definitely burned out but it’s totally because my life has gotten so big. I used to have this fear of my life getting big, like it would automatically mean there is a relapse on the horizon. And last night ironically I had a drinking dream for the first time in a while. But all of this got me thinking just about how a big life doesn’t equal you’re on the chopping block for a relapse.
There is definitely a way to make it al work, I got this job that keeps me pretty busy but I still end my day at a meeting. It’s a part of my routine that is as natural as having dinner.
On the days I don’t go to a meeting it’s because I am reading with a sponsee. I still make time for my friends, I still answer the phone when a sober person calls. And for SURE I am so tired after doing all that for a while.
But again, not grounds for a relapse. Before I actually got to my 10th step, I would send my sponsor my schedule for the next day and she would help my find some time to build in self care.
All this time later, self care can definitely fall to the waist side sometimes but I know now when that’s happening and I know I need to make some time for caring for myself - or making myself feel cared for.
So this morning I really didn’t rush around. To be honest and I very much so not ready for work in 20 minutes but I’ll log on and get ready in drips and drabs. And I’ll take lots of breaks today and find some micro ways to take care of my self and my brain so I can make it to the weekend where I can really lay on the self care.
So if my message is anything today, It’s keep an eye out for those little bread crumbs and don’t forget to find some ways, even if they are small, to take care of yourself.
xx
Jane